Marta shuts the door, and turns to observe Molly. She is knelt on the floor, holding Varick tightly. She watches the Veisgrafin whisper in the Freiarr's ear, though to her they are not their titles, but mother and son. The embrace is as much for Molly's comfort as his. Marta sighs slightly. Whatever is wrong with Molly, it is more than a headache. Molly rises after he wriggles away. The look of pain and being utterly lost makes Marta sad. She goes to Molly. "Let's get you some tea, and a nice warm bath. Then we will get you some rest, alright?" Molly suppresses the sob welling in her chest that forms from the motherly concern in the Nanny's tone. It reminds her of her mother, the woman far away who shares a similar name. Let her take care of you, Moll. Just for a while, stop having to act like the caregiver and allow yourself to be looked after. You need that whilst you decide. She nods with a heavy sigh. "You will be alright with Varick so long?" Marta smiles "Of course. We have a lot of catching up to do, and he wants to hear lots of stories about his father". Molly nods again, trying to stop her thoughts showing on her face. Marta doesn't need to see her disgust for the man whose actions have led to this situation. Marta opens her own medical case, and brews a tisane that contains something to relieve headaches, reduce worry, and relax the young, clearly troubled woman. Once it is brewed, she runs the bath. Molly watches Varick at play whilst writing a note Oh Varick, will you still love me when you know that I have killed the woman you believe is your mother? Will I still love myself? Her note says Dear Frau Fuchs. I would be honoured if you would come to me at nine o'clock to discuss some dresses I would like made. If you have any green and white fabric samples, please bring them. We do not stand on formalities here, and I would prefer you call me Molly, as I hope I may call you Stefanie. I look forward to meeting you, your husband speaks highly of you. Varick, my son, will be here, and we have spoken about not being too loud. He is a good, kind boy, and he will do his best. It is also his birthday tomorrow, and we shall have some cake. Kind regards Molly Veisgrafin Sudlachenburg She folds it up, and opens the door to send Lars to take it to Colonel Fuchs. Her nails are digging into her palms long before she notices the pain. Marta motions her through, shutting the door as she leaves. Slowly Molly undresses in the small room. Dress, corset, shift, stockings and shoes. Normally every undressing leads to pleasant memories of Morgan removing her clothing. Not today. Before she is even in the bath, her face is wet. The tears are scolding hot, but the bath as she puts her left foot in is perfect. With a sigh of pleasure, she settles her naked body into the water. She moves, sinking beneath the surface until the water covers her face, her hair that still bears the forget me nots. She holds her breath. She's done this before to help overcome her fear of drowning. Through the water, she looks at the ceiling. I cannot let him burn her. He will see and hear Dietlinde and Jana burn all over again. His pain would be unbearable. And Theus knows how much it could set back his healing. Her lungs clamour for air. The sensation twists in her, and she sits up, dripping. Her lungs heave for breath, and she feels the raw emotion welling. Death. Her choice. Alarice's head being severed from her body with spurts of blood before hitting the ground, or twisting and jerking at the noose. Her consequence. She would have to live with that. And Varick would blame her. Adalbrecht would blame her. It would be her fault. Her sob is loud, and the tears drop into the water as she pulls her knees up and wraps her arms around them. Either way, how can she live with herself and her guilt? She doesn't hear the brief tap before Marta enters. The Nanny witnesses her pain. She has seen women naked and in pain often. It is an occupational hazard for a midwife. She comes to kneel by Molly beside the bath. The movement causes Molly to look up, hair messed and make up ruined. And very naked. But Molly is in that moment too broken to care. Marta has seen it all before, and one day would, if all things were fair, see Molly naked again in the throes of the eight births their bridal plate had predicted. Marta looks at her with a wealth of maternal compassion. "Oh Molly, my dear girl. What weighs upon you?" "I… I can not say" "Do you want me to fetch your husband?" Molly looks alarmed "No! No, no thank you. I must do this myself" Marta nods. "Can I help?" Molly looks at her, unsure a moment. Her brow furrows with pain. "Marta, what do you do when you are at a birth, and death is a certainty, but you can make a choice that reduces the pain for someone?" Marta looks solemn. The faces of many women, babies, and families come to mind. Tragic, painful memories gained in the birthing room. "I do what I must" "Even if that choice would mean your action directly caused a death" Marta nods. "Death is always present at the beginning of life. The veil between the two is fine as gossamer in that time. It will always be risky, even with experienced help. But there are times when I have to make a choice to end or prevent suffering, all midwives do." Molly nods, watching closely and interested. The tears flow slower. "But the choice is not between Death or Life in those circumstances. The choice is between Death and Death With Compassion. That mother or baby will die no matter what I choose. But if my choice can reduce their pain and suffering, or that of the husband or children left behind, I make the choice for less suffering." She takes a deep breath. "Sometimes that means giving a mother who has a stuck baby and is bleeding to death more pain relief than her body can handle. She and her baby will die for certain, but my choice means neither will feel the pain whilst they do, nor will her husband and children hear her screams and fear for hours on end until they grow weaker and eventually cease. I save them from the years of suffering ahead. Do you understand?" Molly nods slowly. Marta resumes "Though my action took their lives, I do not feel guilty. I did what I had to in the face of death. It is not always an easy choice, but it is the _right_ choice. On balance, as physicians, we must prevent further pain when we can. Mercy and compassion are important." She watches as this clearly sinks in for Molly. The redhead watches her with a sad smile and quiet voice. "Thank you, Marta. That helps more than you could possibly imagine". Marta nods "Whatever your troubles are, act with dignity, mercy, compassion and honour. It is all any of us can do" She comes around behind Molly, removing both pins and flowers from her curls. "Drink your tea, and then we'll get you that nap. You need it." Molly nods, waiting until she is gone before using the flannel to clean herself all over. It is not just the water, but Marta's wisdom that makes her feel clean. She then drinks the unusual flavoured tea, her body relaxing. I know what I must do. I must protect my husband at all costs. I can not reduce his pain at their deaths but I can prevent him gaining any more. The thought of his beloved face comes to mind, blue eyes watching her with all the affection he did upon their wedding day when she spoke her vows to love, respect and be loyal to him. In her recollections, she feels sleep approach, and gets out of the bath before she succumbs to it. Dried and gowned, she gives Marta a smile as she passes through to her bedroom. Within a moment of lying down on the bed, she falls into a dreamless sleep. It is around quarter before six that she wakes, hastily towelling her hair and combing it, redoing her make up as he likes it, and dressing in her old cornflower blue dress. She takes a deep breath, and smiles. Out in the main room, she sees Marta come out of Varick's room, and speaks to her quietly "Thank you so much Marta, I could not have managed all this without you" "Not at all, my Lady. I have been glad to see him again. If you are alright now, I was hoping to go into town to see some friends this evening" Molly nods. "By all means, go and enjoy yourself. I suspect my husband will come by soon, and I need to speak to him privately anyway" Marta collects her shawl and hat as Molly pops in to Varick. The young boy is clean and in his nightshirt, a pirate book on the bed. "Is Morgan coming to read to me? I asked Marta to ask him" He looks up at her. She smiles softly. "If he can, he will. And if not, I'll read to you and he can read tomorrow, alright?" He nods. "I love you Molly" She smiles warmly. "I know, Mauschen. And I you. I just need to see Marta out, I'll be back shortly if Morgan doesn't come first" she kisses his head. She opens the door, letting the Nanny out, and this is where they are when Morgan appears.