**** BEGIN LOGGING AT Wed Feb 1 00:00:23 2023 Feb 01 00:00:23 I'm not threatening you. I don't need to. What I -do- owe you is the punishment for the actions you took. As for our ancestors, not a single one of them would want to be connected to a... I hesitate to use the word man... that would sink so low as to commit treason. Feb 01 00:01:28 * Edward shrugs "you'll do what you see fit, heedless of the consequences, as usual" Feb 01 00:01:58 * Morgan looks at him Feb 01 00:02:23 What are you going to do? Bleat about how unfair it is that you can't get away with it scot free? Feb 01 00:03:45 Not at all. I will attend any trial of treason Father wishes. However, that is in noones interest Feb 01 00:05:30 If it doesn't get out... *he shakes himself* you should have come to me. You say you love your betrothed... imagine that love is so strong it is all that matters... what would you do for that? Give up for that? Feb 01 00:06:55 Not my honour. Not my duty. Not my family. If she could not be my wife or mistress, I would offer her nothing but friendship. Feb 01 00:07:16 You're a liar or a fool who doesn't know what love is. Feb 01 00:08:26 I have principles. It is in noones interest for anyone to pick over what happened three years ago. I no more want their identities revealed that you do Feb 01 00:08:57 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 00:10:47 Principles... so... liar then. Feb 01 00:12:02 There's little point trying to goad me Feb 01 00:13:10 I'm not... just pointing out I know exactly what you are... and that I have the power to ruin you whenever I choose... such as your wedding day... Feb 01 00:13:26 At what cost, precisely? Feb 01 00:13:50 * Morgan smiles Feb 01 00:15:30 My own brother, responsible for the death of my wife and child, and treason! Its unthinkable... obviously, we've disowned him, we couldn't be more horrified. But we'll build a stronger home, with our trade contacts overseas... Feb 01 00:15:54 * Edward nods Feb 01 00:15:59 Interesting... Feb 01 00:16:36 Such a shame, too, that Lady Hapsburg has just birthed a son to a disgraced man... Theus alone knows what will become of those poor souls... Feb 01 00:19:40 Pulling it all up again, how the Veisgraf broke the rules, how his self-control was so low, how his Father didn't disown him... you need to rehabilitate, not remind, and you will not want Molly humiliated by the catty remarks of the women at Court Feb 01 00:21:38 The Veisgraf who has worked so tirelessly since his return to strengthen his home, and in comparison to that scoundrel... *his face slowly becomes impassive* the man that you felt was wrong, the honest, caring, -good- man that she loved... he died three years ago. Feb 01 00:23:11 Then when would you dig up his grave and reveal his remains for all and sundry to pick the rotted flesh off? Why not move on? Feb 01 00:26:39 Because the man that stands in his place, he carries that pain. That anger. The lack of faith in the god he fought for. I'm not a good man, a kind man, a -forgiving- man. Feb 01 00:29:10 You're an ungrateful asshole. I have put my life on hold because of you. I would have been married with my own children by now. My whole life since you married has been dictated by trying to fix your mess or find you for them. I didn't have to try to save them and keep them so safe and comfortable all this time, but I did. Feb 01 00:29:28 * Morgan looks at him Feb 01 00:30:30 You are a coward. Instead of -trying- to come to me or father, -you- betrayed -us-. When you understand what it is to live so long with such a loss, you'll understand. Feb 01 00:31:06 Don't you ever tire of being so sanctimonious? Feb 01 00:32:06 Do you ever tire of your holier than thou bullshit? Feb 01 00:34:30 You started this, Morgan. I do not recall -you- going to Father about your prospective bride, despite being the Veisgraf! Feb 01 00:36:47 You know what, Edward, just shut up before you say something that gets you killed. Tell me how you're going to fix this. Feb 01 00:38:33 You can have a fake death and live abroad with Lina and the children. You can be disowned and make a live in exile in Eisen with them. You can go back to Sudlachenburg and live with Molly, the house here is paid for. Feb 01 00:39:12 * Morgan stares at the ground Feb 01 00:39:31 I wish you'd come to me. We could've found a way. Feb 01 00:40:11 How? Tell me how? Because I spent months trying to work it out and couldn't see it. Feb 01 00:40:20 * Morgan looks at him Feb 01 00:43:13 Like -this-. Morgan, our allies and enemies are plotting against us, we need to do -something- to make everyone safe. By being -honest-, like I'm going to be with you now. I know they're still here... but three years of that pain doesn't just go away... and I lost them... and you.. and mother and father, and HeinzHarold and Claudia... I lost -everyone- because I couldn't bear to be here anymore. I lost myself, a piece at a time, wondering why you hated me so muc Feb 01 00:43:14 h as to take them from me, to not come to me. Feb 01 00:44:50 I regret that I could not stop you leaving in that moment. But I do not see there was any way your marriage could ever have been accepted Feb 01 00:46:50 But you don't know for sure, because you took it upon yourself to act. We'll never know what could've been done, and this damage... I've had nightmares nearly every night since the fire. I hear their screams every night for three years. You broke me, Edward. I don't know how to fix that, how to fix -me-. Feb 01 00:49:17 * Edward looks grim but resolute "I -do- know that, Morgan. The rules of our society have not changed in hundreds of years. They are set in stone. You, a nobleman, cannot marry a girl who is not gentry at the very least. I am sorry you fell in love as you did, but the consequences of your choice have been devastating for many" Feb 01 00:50:33 * Morgan stares at the ground Feb 01 00:51:30 Many. Feb 01 00:54:25 Do you know the way you have to bow and scrape to other nobles when you are seventeen just to get a minute of their time? Do you know how it is to be openly snubbed and even spat on at Court for your brother's choices? Do you know how you would run yourself ragged, juggling alliances and allies, trying to keep the trade deals that keep your Feb 01 00:54:25 homeland fed and housed when people whisper behind hands that your Graf, your -Father- is effectively castrated by his own wayward son? Feb 01 00:55:36 No, I don't know... because you never told me. You never came to me. Feb 01 00:56:17 Because by then you had done the damage, and I had lost all the faith I had had in you as a child. Feb 01 00:56:25 * Morgan snorts Feb 01 00:57:02 I remember all the looks you used to give me, disapproving of everything I did... faith, pff Feb 01 00:57:23 I trusted you to not hurt Sudlachenburg. Feb 01 00:58:17 * Morgan looks at him Feb 01 00:58:34 You think I did it on purpose... with malice... Feb 01 00:59:16 No, I think you were naive, probably a bit over-confident, in love, and bloody stupid. Feb 01 00:59:59 Then surely some forgiveness could have been shown by you? That we could've worked on a solution together Feb 01 01:01:13 You are not hearing me! From the moment you made vows, I couldn't help you, Father couldn't help you. You bound our hands, and now you ask why we didn't do better to help you. Feb 01 01:01:34 * Morgan slowly sits down on the floor Feb 01 01:04:55 *he sighs heavily, relighting the cigar. He mutters* Fucks sake. *he sits too* What do you honestly think would have happened? Did you really believe all the nobility would sacrifice everything they have built and conserved for the sake of pure lineage because -you- fell in love? Or some other solution? Because I promise I gave this endless hours Feb 01 01:04:55 of thought and effort, and this was the best solution I could think of Feb 01 01:05:40 I just... I thought it'd be alright, people would get used to it... I had no idea I'd be causing so much trouble, so much -pain- Feb 01 01:06:10 * Edward rubs his forehead Feb 01 01:07:59 I would have fixed it better if I could. You don't know how sick to my stomach I was at even planning a -fake- assassination. I didn't want to be a man that desperate. I was barely nineteen. Feb 01 01:08:20 That was my fault. All of it. Feb 01 01:09:47 Yes. You want the truth, you made the situation. But that is in the past now. Noone's behaviour was ideal. Feb 01 01:10:05 * Morgan nods, looking shellshocked Feb 01 01:10:22 * Edward offers him the cigar Feb 01 01:10:30 * Morgan shakes his head Feb 01 01:10:42 * Edward offers him a flask instead Feb 01 01:10:53 * Morgan takes it, drinking Feb 01 01:12:04 *it's drambuie, a scotch that tastes of honey, and oddly somehow like the smooth hot skin of Molly's neck just below her ear* Feb 01 01:12:20 * Morgan hands it back Feb 01 01:12:35 * Edward does it up Feb 01 01:13:32 If you want me tried by Father for treason, go ahead. I ask only the time before execution to write to my beloved so that she hears of my impending death from me before another Feb 01 01:14:04 What good would it do? Feb 01 01:14:21 You might achieve some satisfaction from it Feb 01 01:14:43 And have mother feel as I did? Or worse? Feb 01 01:14:57 * Edward shrugs Feb 01 01:15:33 Do you know what, Morgan? I'm actually really tired of having to have the answers for everyone all the time Feb 01 01:15:52 * Morgan looks at him Feb 01 01:16:32 I would avoid anyone feeling that pain if I have a say in it, let alone making my own family feel it. Feb 01 01:16:41 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:19:46 I don't want to keep up this conflict and this stress any longer. For almost six years I've been in love with a woman who I haven't been marry because everything at home is too unsettled. I'm tired of consoling her when her peers marry and have children, and she feels left on the shelf as she gets to twenty five unwed and childless. Feb 01 01:20:21 * Morgan frowns hard before looking back at him Feb 01 01:20:23 Edward... Feb 01 01:20:27 Yes? Feb 01 01:20:36 I'm sorry. Feb 01 01:20:52 * Edward nods, plucking at the grass Feb 01 01:20:57 As am I Feb 01 01:21:18 * Morgan nods, looking back at the ground Feb 01 01:23:18 Lina will not yield. I cannot be without Molly. The best we can come up with is for her to bring the children to Banhoff and tell anyone who asks that I fought alongside her husband, since the man she loves is effectively dead, and that I am the childrens godfather. She would not even accept being simply -known- as my mistress because Sabina's age would make people think I was unfaithful to her. Feb 01 01:23:44 * Edward nods slowly Feb 01 01:24:00 I never allowed that she might react this way Feb 01 01:24:44 I married her because I loved her... how could that be wrong when it is what Theus dictates, you know? Feb 01 01:26:43 * Edward nods "I understand. There isn't a chance that Lina would change her mind if you seduce her? There must be some useful skills you have perfected after years of marriage?" Feb 01 01:28:14 Its against her principles... you understand that. Feb 01 01:28:21 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:28:30 Then I am sorry for your loss Feb 01 01:29:06 * Morgan nods, shrugging Feb 01 01:29:22 It feels like I've lost her again Feb 01 01:29:29 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:29:51 It's a pity she wouldn't concede Feb 01 01:30:07 Father will be pleased at least Feb 01 01:30:16 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:30:47 Sudlachenburg needs you and your Veisgrafin Feb 01 01:30:57 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 01:31:09 I'm not sure it does. Feb 01 01:31:26 Then you might still leave with Lina? Feb 01 01:31:43 * Morgan sighs heavily, shaking his head Feb 01 01:32:31 I might leave, but not with her... I had an idea about getting them all set up and established, Molly with an heir and then... getting myself killed... Feb 01 01:33:01 You won't make Mother lose me, but you'll make her lose you? Feb 01 01:33:28 I know, selfish... Feb 01 01:33:43 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:33:54 Indeed. Leave where? Feb 01 01:34:14 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 01:34:25 Haven't gotten that far... I'm clearly not reliable enough though Feb 01 01:34:47 Maybe you just need to grow up a bit Feb 01 01:35:06 Rather think admitting I might not be suitable is doing just that Feb 01 01:35:45 * Edward shrugs "I don't know you well enough to say" Feb 01 01:36:08 * Morgan nods Feb 01 01:36:47 I'm doing the best I can Feb 01 01:36:53 If I must stay in Sudlachenburg to do my duty and become the Veisgraf, that is what I will do Feb 01 01:38:07 Give me a little time to think about it. Maybe when its less... raw? I'll be able to see a direction Feb 01 01:38:16 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:38:53 Providing you have a definite direction for your love triangle, that is a good place to start Feb 01 01:39:17 Give us some time, you'll be able to sell the house Feb 01 01:39:56 I'm in no rush, I will be busy with my wedding planning Feb 01 01:40:23 Are you going back to Sudlachenburg? Feb 01 01:40:32 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:40:52 I want Father to see that it is completed Feb 01 01:41:05 Why? Feb 01 01:41:17 * Edward shrugs Feb 01 01:41:33 Father's approval still means much to me Feb 01 01:41:48 Probably best I didn't realise that twenty minutes ago Feb 01 01:42:01 * Edward smiles Feb 01 01:42:10 Indeed Feb 01 01:42:55 I don't really know what I'm doing, Edward... father can teach me to be a Graf but... you've always been much more savvy about the alliances and reading the undercurrents... Feb 01 01:43:28 Only because it was something I could out do you in. I'm an excellent archer too Feb 01 01:43:57 If you could stop gloating for just a moment... I'm asking for your help Feb 01 01:44:50 * Edward smiles "Six years waiting for the woman of my dreams to by the woman of my household, because I helped you. Is it not clear I will continue to help?" Feb 01 01:45:31 I didn't realise you were helping me... It would be understandable to leave me to face my own consequences Feb 01 01:46:16 No, you have paid a huge price. Now it is time to forgive yourself and each other and let it go Feb 01 01:46:45 * Morgan nods slightly Feb 01 01:47:34 DeeDee said we are leaving tomorrow Feb 01 01:49:03 That is correct. I've been here a few days and need to get back to lay the groundwork for having them move closer so I can see my children more often Feb 01 01:49:26 And to see your wife? Feb 01 01:49:57 I miss her Feb 01 01:50:05 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:50:28 If she is in Bahnhof looking at houses she must be doing well Feb 01 01:51:25 I suspect she is worrying that while I am here I have changed my mind and she will be discarded... that is the pattern she has been exposed to in her life. I want to allay those fears Feb 01 01:51:45 * Edward nods Feb 01 01:52:12 We will get back as swiftly as we can. I'll teach you some politics on the way Feb 01 01:52:31 * Morgan nods Feb 01 01:52:55 She's going to be a very dangerous Grafin... she's managed to get money out of father to buy a house for Lina and the children. Feb 01 01:53:13 * Edward looks surprised Feb 01 01:53:33 Getting money out of Father is like getting a dry rock from the Sudlache Feb 01 01:53:45 * Morgan nods Feb 01 01:53:49 quite Feb 01 01:54:02 How did she do that?! Feb 01 01:54:11 I don't know... its happened while I've been here Feb 01 01:54:31 How much did she get? Feb 01 01:54:40 Five hundred guilders Feb 01 01:55:04 Are you serious?! That's more than my yearly allowance?! Feb 01 01:55:22 Thats what I'm told Feb 01 01:56:04 Good luck to you then, I hope you know how to Captain your ship Feb 01 01:56:33 We'll see Feb 01 01:56:53 *he feels something move against his leg* Feb 01 01:57:26 * Morgan looks down Feb 01 01:57:43 *that weird cat is back again* Feb 01 01:58:01 Where do you keep coming from? Feb 01 01:58:14 *it meows* Feb 01 01:58:32 Come on, back out where you're supposed to be Feb 01 01:59:01 *it jumps on his chest, meowing again, and that is what wakes him* Feb 01 02:01:21 * Morgan has quit (Quit: This computer has gone to sleep) Feb 01 02:06:47 * Edward has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Feb 01 02:08:30 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Feb 01 02:08:30 * MollyK has quit (Quit: Igloo IRC: https://iglooirc.com) Feb 01 02:08:44 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Feb 01 02:10:16 * MorganK (~madisonst@Madisons-Air.lan) has joined Feb 01 02:10:35 [01:44:04] Edward: *it jumps on his chest, meowing again, and that is what wakes him* Feb 01 02:11:06 * MorganK draws a deep breath, looking at the cat Feb 01 02:13:14 *Ulysses rubs his face to Morgan,meowing again* Feb 01 02:13:29 * MollyK murmurs "shh, we're sleeping" Feb 01 02:13:45 * MorganK rubs his face against the cats, stroking him Feb 01 02:14:16 *he starts to purr* Feb 01 02:14:29 * MorganK tries to get an idea of the time Feb 01 02:15:10 *it's about four o'clock* Feb 01 02:16:37 * MorganK sighs, whispering to the cat Feb 01 02:16:57 What now? Shall I get up? Feb 01 02:17:55 *the cat just continues to stand and stare at him* Feb 01 02:18:15 * MorganK sighs, moving the cat so he can get up Feb 01 02:19:03 * MollyK feels him get up Feb 01 02:19:15 Are you alright, liebling? Feb 01 02:19:19 * MorganK nods Feb 01 02:19:32 I can't face the possibility of dreaming anything more, so I'm getting up Feb 01 02:19:44 What time is it? Feb 01 02:19:53 About four Feb 01 02:20:19 Shall I get up? Do you want to talk? Feb 01 02:20:34 No, love, get your rest, I'll be alright Feb 01 02:20:47 You are not distressed? Feb 01 02:21:12 Sad, upset but... I'm ok. I might go relieve the man in the nest, just work through Feb 01 02:21:53 Mmhmm... Would you like a cuddle before you go? Feb 01 02:21:59 * MorganK ndos Feb 01 02:22:03 Yes, please Feb 01 02:22:35 * MollyK shifts to her side, opening her arms Feb 01 02:24:39 * MorganK moves, coming to her arms Feb 01 02:25:18 * MollyK fully wraps around him. She's very warm and familiar Feb 01 02:25:31 * MorganK sighs deeply Feb 01 02:25:48 * MollyK rubs his back Feb 01 02:25:58 Magic? Tobacco? Feb 01 02:26:08 No, I'll be alright Feb 01 02:27:13 * MollyK nods, gently placing a kiss on his neck where her face is against him Feb 01 02:28:35 * MorganK squeezes her for a moment before letting go Feb 01 02:29:16 Are you sure you'll be alright? Feb 01 02:29:41 Sure as I can be, aye Feb 01 02:30:21 We will talk later? Feb 01 02:30:30 * MorganK nods Feb 01 02:30:34 Aye, we will\ Feb 01 02:30:51 I'll endeavour to dream something nice of you again Feb 01 02:31:08 * MorganK nods, getting back up and pulling his clothes on Feb 01 02:31:12 I hope so Feb 01 02:31:30 I already dreamt of the lake at Graben Feb 01 02:31:55 Oh? Feb 01 02:32:00 * MorganK pulls a shirt on Feb 01 02:32:21 We were in the water, and then in the bed for three hours Feb 01 02:32:37 * MorganK nods, pulling on his boots Feb 01 02:32:44 Again? Feb 01 02:32:59 Again what? Feb 01 02:33:27 Lake, then bed for three hours... Feb 01 02:33:40 Mmhmm like reality Feb 01 02:33:59 * MorganK nods, shrugging his coat on Feb 01 02:34:07 Alright love, I'll see you in a few hours Feb 01 02:34:25 Yes, my love Feb 01 02:35:02 * MorganK nods, bending to kiss her cheek before disappearing off to the galley then up on deck Feb 01 02:35:19 * MorganK has quit (Quit: This computer has gone to sleep) Feb 01 02:38:13 * MollyK has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Feb 01 09:57:50 * Morgan (~mads@iMac-2.lan) has joined Feb 01 10:01:07 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Feb 01 10:02:15 *Rieker, the training captain who is building the pens, is up there on watch, and there will be another man in the nest* Feb 01 10:03:29 * Morgan wanders over to Rieker Feb 01 10:04:03 I can't sleep... you have any objection to me relieving the man in the nest? Feb 01 10:09:46 * MollyK is now known as Rieker Feb 01 10:09:56 * Rieker looks him over Feb 01 10:11:48 Really I should just accept your authority, but I can't in good faith just do that, m'lord. Are you fit and alert enough? Are you aware you also have watch up there from eight until midday? Much as I don't want to displease you, the safety of everyone on board and the ship herself are paramount Feb 01 10:12:35 * Morgan watches him for a few seconds longer than would be comfortable Feb 01 10:12:57 Rieker... Feb 01 10:12:59 * Rieker looks uncomfortable but doesn't just back down Feb 01 10:13:04 M'lord. Feb 01 10:13:12 Well done. Feb 01 10:13:30 M'lord? Feb 01 10:15:24 I know my reputation... I know my social status... and yet you stand in my way to ensure the safety of the ship and her crew and passengers... it'd be all to easy to just let me run roughshod, do what I want, particularly since your employment depends on me... Feb 01 10:16:09 * Rieker nods "it would be easy, but it wouldn't be -right-, m'lord. Especially not with women and children aboard" Feb 01 10:16:28 * Morgan nods Feb 01 10:16:58 I agree. I have a lot of respect for that Feb 01 10:19:00 * Rieker inclines his head Feb 01 10:19:06 Yes m'lord Feb 01 10:21:29 To answer your question... I have nightmares, and I'm done having them for one day. I know I'm due on duty at eight. -I- believe I'm fit for duty, I wouldn't be here if I didn't... that being said, if -you- aren't comfortable with that, I'll not argue, and I'll hold nothing but respect for your dedication and decision. Feb 01 10:22:44 How long have you slept? Feb 01 10:23:06 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 10:23:15 Five hours, there about... Feb 01 10:23:57 * Rieker nods "I'll send him to rest, he's only been up there fifteen minutes. At eight, if you're tired he can swap back on" Feb 01 10:24:16 * Morgan nods Feb 01 10:24:20 Understood cap'n Feb 01 10:24:58 * Rieker nods, hollering up to the man who comes down, and sends him back below Feb 01 10:25:39 * Morgan inclines his head, climbing the rigging and up into the nest, settling in Feb 01 10:29:10 *it's pretty mild for the time of year. He has never been so far south, and on the southern horizon he sees two constellations he's never seen before* Feb 01 10:30:38 * Morgan settles in for a long watch Feb 01 10:33:50 *the time does tick slowly, and it's hard not to think of his argument with Edward, Dietlinde's continuing principles and how he'd seen her nude* Feb 01 10:35:36 * Morgan shakes himself, looking at the stars Feb 01 10:38:17 *his mind wanders a little to the children, to Jana and her Lily Of The Valley ship made from wood bought from Mister Mann with bread rolls* Feb 01 10:39:26 * Morgan smiles to himself Feb 01 10:42:21 Bread rolls in exchange for wood from Mister Mann... Feb 01 10:44:24 *the sky lightens in the east over the flat dusty plains of inner Castille. He's now about as far from Sudlachenburg as the crow flies as he has ever been, only Al Uwyiah, Innismore, and northern Vesten being so far* Feb 01 10:44:58 * Morgan sighs, speaking quietly Feb 01 10:45:16 You wouldn't want me torturing myself like this... you'd hate me to suffer so much Feb 01 10:45:53 *there's no answer from earth or heaven to this* Feb 01 10:50:24 * Morgan sighs, shifting to get comfortable, going back to watching the horizon Feb 01 10:52:17 *the sun comes up. He can Sorgi down below preparing to move them out, two more full days of sailing until Jura, which means two more full days before his and Dietlinde's wedding anniversary* Feb 01 11:01:55 * Morgan looks around the horizon, making note of any ships Feb 01 11:02:22 Long way from home now... different this time, though. Feb 01 11:03:26 *there's a small fishing village with boats coming out for the day, but the Rose is soon under sail today and leaving them like paper boats on the water* Feb 01 11:06:25 * Morgan turns, watching them as they dwindle into the distance Feb 01 11:07:27 *they're making good time when the bell for watch change goes. Rieker climbs up* Feb 01 11:07:38 How are you, m'lord? Feb 01 11:10:29 Would you think me a lesser man if I admitted that perhaps it'd be a good idea for me to be relieved? Feb 01 11:12:17 No, I'd be glad you were being responsible Feb 01 11:13:29 I'm fit for duty... but I think perhaps being up here alone isn't the best thing for me right now Feb 01 11:14:50 * Rieker nods Feb 01 11:15:23 I'll get Alexi back up Feb 01 11:15:47 Aye cap'n. I'll wait for him Feb 01 11:18:33 *this is what they do. The man taking over is cheerful, and Claudia is lurking at the bottom of the mast waiting* Feb 01 11:18:38 * Rieker is now known as Claudia Feb 01 11:18:51 Do you want to get coffee? Feb 01 11:19:34 * Morgan watches her a moment before nodding Feb 01 11:21:15 * Claudia heads below, getting some. It's busy in the galley and noisy in the dining room, so she unlocks Sorgi's room with a key, waiting for him to go in Feb 01 11:21:38 * Morgan moves into the room Feb 01 11:27:08 *it's tidy as usual. She pours the coffee and takes Sorgi's seat behind the desk* Feb 01 11:27:20 How are you doing this morning? Feb 01 11:28:19 I'm alright... just... don't think being on my own up there is doing me any good Feb 01 11:30:33 * Claudia nods Feb 01 11:30:37 Bad night? Feb 01 11:31:22 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:31:31 Several in a row now Feb 01 11:32:13 * Claudia nods Feb 01 11:32:50 Heinzharold caught me up. Fake deaths, juggling two women, seeing your children. Feb 01 11:33:11 * Morgan sighs, nodding Feb 01 11:34:11 You had more of that? Feb 01 11:34:28 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:34:31 Yeah Feb 01 11:37:12 * Claudia pushes the cup to him Feb 01 11:37:48 * Morgan picks it up, wrapping his hands around it Feb 01 11:38:20 We got up to Heinzharold had gone to check Molly wasn't going to lose her shit, I was looking for Edward, Dietlinde had balls of steel, and you got woken by the cat Feb 01 11:39:06 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:39:54 More of the same... trying to organise what we were going to do, how we'd manage it... all while hurting badly, trying not to let on to the children. Feb 01 11:43:06 * Claudia nods Feb 01 11:43:18 Sounds complicated Feb 01 11:43:53 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:44:23 Very. Had to face the fact that it was all brought about by my own actions, too... Feb 01 11:46:27 * Claudia drinks a mouthful Feb 01 11:46:39 Is it done now then? Feb 01 11:47:18 I wish... no, I suspect this one will drag until I have to face explaining to my children why we can't be together Feb 01 11:48:34 That's going to really fuck you up Feb 01 11:48:50 * Morgan nods slowly Feb 01 11:48:52 yeah Feb 01 11:49:38 * Morgan sips his coffee Feb 01 11:49:50 Maybe it'd be safer for all of you if I get off in Jura Feb 01 11:50:29 Horseshit Feb 01 11:53:11 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 11:55:07 If you want a good trade deal for Fischler and Capperlucia, we need Molly not to be moping around missing you. Feb 01 11:56:10 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:56:26 I'm not being melodramatic, Claudia... I'm worried. Feb 01 11:56:50 Can she knock you out when you get like that? Feb 01 11:57:31 Maybe. Y'know where I'll end up, though? Feb 01 11:57:45 Back in the dream? Feb 01 11:58:12 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:58:45 So what, get off in Jura and go home alone? Feb 01 11:59:05 * Morgan nods Feb 01 11:59:20 Don't want me wandering round Castille on my own for too long... Feb 01 12:00:10 No, the people will probably execute you if they see what you can do Feb 01 12:01:21 * Morgan nods Feb 01 12:02:01 I don't have much patience with Castillians... or the Montaigne... or the Vodacce... Feb 01 12:02:11 * Claudia nods Feb 01 12:02:34 You'd miss out on Capperlucia, and sailing the really big ocean Feb 01 12:02:50 But I wouldn't be putting all of you in danger Feb 01 12:07:27 I guess it's your choice Feb 01 12:09:11 * Morgan nods, sipping his coffee Feb 01 12:09:22 Pity I don't trust my own decision making Feb 01 12:09:33 * Claudia nods Feb 01 12:10:04 If you're staying you should think about keeping Varick Feb 01 12:10:23 * Morgan looks at her like she's gone mad Feb 01 12:11:25 Are you mental? Feb 01 12:14:39 No. You're going to leave Molly on your wedding anniversary, ask her to negotiate a trade deal in a country where everything is a different way around and she barely speaks the language -and- manage to explain to Varick why you aren't there with him when all the other kids have their fathers with them? Feb 01 12:15:24 Thats cruel, Claudia... you're better than that Feb 01 12:17:24 I'm not being cruel, you asked if I was mental, I'm explaining Feb 01 12:18:51 So you think that, if I get off to keep everyone safe, in case I'm too dangerous, I should take my son along for that experience... and, if I lose control, then what? Feb 01 12:19:52 Fine, take Heinzharold too then Feb 01 12:22:48 Rather misses the point of getting myself away from you all doesn't it Feb 01 12:24:18 * Claudia sighs Feb 01 12:24:28 Look, I just think it's a bad idea Feb 01 12:26:14 * Morgan nods Feb 01 12:27:05 The feeling of knowing I put my loved ones in harms way... its the feeling of having that realisation all over again and... I can't lose anyone else because I put them in harms way Feb 01 12:29:00 And what if we have another situation like the Requiem? Feb 01 12:30:10 What if I blow a hole in the side of the ship? Feb 01 12:30:57 * Claudia sighs heavily Feb 01 12:31:03 Is that likely, really? Feb 01 12:35:02 * Morgan shrugs slowly Feb 01 12:35:21 I dunno. Feb 01 12:36:26 * Claudia nods Feb 01 12:36:48 If you're leaving, I'll do my best to keep them safe Feb 01 12:37:08 I know. Never doubted you. Feb 01 12:38:12 * Claudia nods, drinking some more coffee Feb 01 12:38:42 We're still going to be gone a long time Feb 01 12:39:25 * Morgan nods Feb 01 12:39:29 Thats because its a fucking long way Feb 01 12:39:59 Yep. Three months til we're home, at best. Three times of the draw. Feb 01 12:42:57 Ah shit Feb 01 12:45:57 Yeah. No herbs too. And we have to go within a hundred miles of Insel if we're getting Florrie Feb 01 12:46:49 * Morgan looks at his cup, looking absolutely miserable Feb 01 12:48:01 Maybe you should all just stay Feb 01 12:49:04 * Morgan sighs heavily Feb 01 12:49:15 I can't win. No matter what I do, its wrong Feb 01 12:50:51 * Claudia nods Feb 01 12:50:57 There's risks both ways Feb 01 12:51:45 * Morgan nods Feb 01 12:51:47 yeah Feb 01 12:53:25 I get it that you think you're a liability Feb 01 12:53:47 * Morgan nods Feb 01 12:56:23 What the fuck do I do? Feb 01 12:59:49 * Claudia shrugs "I'd stay. I don't think you'll do well for three full months without her or Varick" Feb 01 13:01:11 * Morgan sighs Feb 01 13:01:23 I just want you all -safe-, even if that means being safe from me Feb 01 13:03:16 I know Feb 01 13:06:34 * Morgan scowls, drinking his coffee Feb 01 13:08:40 Maybe it'll get easier after Jura Feb 01 13:09:25 Maybe these really bad dreams will fuck off Feb 01 13:13:48 * Claudia has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Feb 01 13:39:02 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Feb 01 13:39:09 [12:54:28] Claudia: Maybe these really bad dreams will fuck off Feb 01 13:45:04 * MollyK is now known as Claudia Feb 01 13:47:19 Hardly seems likely Feb 01 13:48:21 They can't get much worse, surely? Feb 01 13:48:33 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 13:48:45 I don't know... how much more can I cope with... Feb 01 13:49:29 Until what? Feb 01 13:49:57 Until I break Feb 01 13:50:18 * Claudia sighs Feb 01 13:50:35 I don't know what to do to help Feb 01 13:50:45 * Morgan nods Feb 01 13:50:51 If I knew, I'd tell you in a heartbeat Feb 01 13:51:30 * Claudia nods Feb 01 13:51:56 Do we need to make a plan for what happens if you do breakdown? Feb 01 13:52:07 I think it might be wise Feb 01 13:52:28 * Claudia rolls her shoulders Feb 01 13:52:40 Alright, worst case scenario...? Feb 01 13:52:55 Are we stopping short of me exploding? Feb 01 13:53:31 No, start at the top and work down Feb 01 13:56:09 Worst case, then, is I explode and take everyone with me Feb 01 13:57:06 Okay, don't need much planning to be dead in the ocean Feb 01 13:57:34 * Morgan nods Feb 01 13:57:46 Next is I explode and take out Molly... Feb 01 13:58:13 Okay. Who is Varick's legal guardian then? Feb 01 13:59:27 HeinzHarold Feb 01 13:59:53 Father or Edward could give him the noble guidance but... HeinzHarold could give him the love he'll need Feb 01 14:00:49 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:01:00 Rest of your Will up to date? Feb 01 14:01:38 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:01:43 As it can be, yes Feb 01 14:01:56 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:02:18 Okay. Tell David first with the mirrors? Feb 01 14:02:26 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:02:47 Then Edward. Feb 01 14:03:14 * Claudia nods "let them tell Verity and Adalbrecht?" Feb 01 14:04:42 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:04:44 I think so, yeah Feb 01 14:04:57 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:05:11 Then just wait for the end of the world? Feb 01 14:05:32 I suppose so Feb 01 14:05:49 Okay, next one Feb 01 14:07:14 Its just me that dies... Feb 01 14:07:35 Turn for home? Feb 01 14:08:09 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 14:08:24 You'll have to work with Molly on that... she may want to continue what we started Feb 01 14:08:44 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:08:57 She's going to be hard to manage Feb 01 14:09:19 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:09:23 Yes, I would imagine so Feb 01 14:09:44 Take her to Sudlachenburg? Feb 01 14:10:21 Yes, I think so. She'll need people around her Feb 01 14:10:40 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:11:10 What do we do about Rosie? Feb 01 14:11:32 Nothing I suppose Feb 01 14:12:02 Let it happen when it happens? Feb 01 14:12:14 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:12:16 It has to Feb 01 14:12:25 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:12:49 What else? Feb 01 14:13:19 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 14:13:36 After that I suppose its mostly... seriously maimed or if my mind snaps Feb 01 14:14:00 So she can fix the first anyway Feb 01 14:14:27 With time and effort I suppose so Feb 01 14:15:03 Problem will be you not thinking she's better if you're dead? Feb 01 14:15:41 Oh probably Feb 01 14:16:03 So guard you til you're fixed? Feb 01 14:17:04 That'd make sense I suppose Feb 01 14:17:20 Can't risk you in the brig? Feb 01 14:18:05 Depends how incapacitated I am really Feb 01 14:19:00 What about if we get a tiny covered boat for you, and tow it on a metal chain? Feb 01 14:19:44 Same issue... if I'm that determined, I'd find a way to overturn it Feb 01 14:20:13 Yeah but if you explode you're taking that, not everything else Feb 01 14:21:29 So... you want me to sleep in a little boat on a chain every night? Feb 01 14:21:44 * Claudia shrugs Feb 01 14:22:04 Throwing out suggestions to see if anything good comes up Feb 01 14:22:18 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:22:30 It'd be tough to explain all that to the crew Feb 01 14:23:26 Superstition? Feb 01 14:23:50 * Morgan shrugs Feb 01 14:23:54 That might work I suppose Feb 01 14:24:48 The crew aren't the biggest hurdle Feb 01 14:25:30 No? Feb 01 14:27:23 Molly. Feb 01 14:28:11 She'd try to stop it... say its cruel... Feb 01 14:28:19 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:28:47 Will she listen if you command her? Feb 01 14:29:20 I believe so Feb 01 14:29:39 It's an option then Feb 01 14:29:46 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:29:49 Not the worst, either Feb 01 14:30:51 No. I want you to promise me you won't kill yourself. Feb 01 14:31:29 alright... Feb 01 14:31:41 On your word? Feb 01 14:33:03 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:33:58 You won't try to get killed either Feb 01 14:34:25 * Morgan smiles slightly Feb 01 14:34:31 Alright Feb 01 14:34:47 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:34:52 We need you Feb 01 14:36:35 You'd be fine without me Feb 01 14:37:02 We've done that before. It didn't go well Feb 01 14:37:57 But this time you'd have closure, a -reason- Feb 01 14:38:55 Well I had fucking closure when my mother died and then when my whole family were killed, so you can shove your close up your ass. Feb 01 14:39:05 Closure * Feb 01 14:39:41 * Morgan looks very distressed by this Feb 01 14:40:10 I'm sorry, thats... I thought it would be easier, thats all... Feb 01 14:40:34 You -are- family to me. You and Heinzharold. Feb 01 14:41:37 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:41:52 I'll do my best to stay alive Feb 01 14:42:44 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:43:04 You better. I've seen it once, I don't want to again Feb 01 14:44:12 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:45:04 ok Feb 01 14:45:25 Not guarantees I'd be there to shout at you til you came home again Feb 01 14:45:49 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:45:53 Yeah... Feb 01 14:47:10 * Claudia drinks some coffee Feb 01 14:48:06 Need to prepare everyone on the early watches that you often like to take impromptu swims to start the day, and you're grumpy as fuck if you're interrupted Feb 01 14:48:26 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:48:29 Thats a good idea Feb 01 14:50:08 * Claudia nods Feb 01 14:50:35 Have you used the tobacco before bed too? Feb 01 14:50:51 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:50:54 I did last night Feb 01 14:53:58 * Claudia sighs "that usually helps" Feb 01 14:54:15 If it wasn't a result of the Nieblungens meddling it probably would Feb 01 14:54:27 Can't they fix it? Feb 01 14:54:57 They don't know how Feb 01 14:55:24 Fucks sake Feb 01 14:56:43 * Morgan nods Feb 01 14:56:44 Yeah Feb 01 14:58:26 Sorry you're having to go through it Feb 01 14:58:42 * Morgan nods, looking at his cup Feb 01 14:58:53 Yeah, me too... but better that than anyone else having to Feb 01 14:59:27 Maybe you could let one of us take it for the night? *she smiles slightly* Feb 01 15:00:10 I wish I could Feb 01 15:00:50 * Claudia nods Feb 01 15:01:08 I'd dream Erlangen again to get you a peaceful night Feb 01 15:01:52 I'd endure this without complaint if it meant you didn't have to Feb 01 15:02:36 Maybe pretend it is? Feb 01 15:02:53 Pretend it is what? Feb 01 15:03:03 Stopping me having that one Feb 01 15:03:58 * Morgan sighs, sipping his coffee Feb 01 15:04:10 Rieker questioned my fitness for duty Feb 01 15:04:25 * Claudia looks impressed "brave" Feb 01 15:04:45 * Morgan nods Feb 01 15:04:47 I thought so Feb 01 15:06:03 That's why you're down here not working? Feb 01 15:07:36 I was honest enough to say that being up there alone wasn't doing me good Feb 01 15:08:08 * Claudia nods Feb 01 15:08:32 Is that new to you? Feb 01 15:09:03 Being honest? Or admitting I'm not up to the task? Feb 01 15:10:03 The second Feb 01 15:10:34 * Morgan nods Feb 01 15:11:02 He was conscientious enough to challenge my fitness, he was owed that honesty Feb 01 15:12:12 * Claudia nods Feb 01 15:12:43 Would you have beaten someone for that at Lady Torrington's house then? Feb 01 15:12:56 No-one would have dared ask Feb 01 15:14:17 * Claudia nods Feb 01 15:14:38 What are you going to do instead of your watch? Feb 01 15:15:47 There's something I'm going to make for Inga... there's enough wood to make a start Feb 01 15:15:57 * Claudia nods Feb 01 15:16:21 Do you want me to go next door and make your excuses? Feb 01 15:16:54 No, I'll go tell them Feb 01 15:17:24 * Claudia nods Feb 01 15:21:00 * Claudia has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Feb 01 15:49:00 * Morgan has quit (Quit: This computer has gone to sleep)