**** BEGIN LOGGING AT Fri Jan 27 00:00:35 2023 Jan 27 00:00:35 I understand. Jan 27 00:01:07 Your principles have changed, haven't they? You still are a principled man, but they're different now Jan 27 00:02:14 To a point, yes... the changes I mentioned, going through that... Jan 27 00:02:28 * Dietlinde nods Jan 27 00:03:37 I think what you said earlier might be right. I've been watching you with the children, and you play differently now. You're not so willing to be foolish now Jan 27 00:04:13 * Morgan nods, looking sad Jan 27 00:04:31 I feel... like they could be ripped from me at any moment Jan 27 00:04:50 I'm not going to take them from you, I don't want that Jan 27 00:06:05 * Morgan nods, looking a little numb Jan 27 00:06:31 * Dietlinde takes his hand Jan 27 00:06:47 I will always, always love you. Jan 27 00:07:08 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:07:14 You will always love the man I was Jan 27 00:07:45 * Dietlinde nods sadly, tears in her eyes Jan 27 00:07:57 We don't know each other now like we did Jan 27 00:08:15 No... we don't Jan 27 00:09:12 It's like -my- husband has died Jan 27 00:09:23 * Morgan smiles slightly Jan 27 00:09:31 I said very much that to HeinzHarold Jan 27 00:09:48 * Dietlinde nods, tears falling Jan 27 00:10:06 All this time, I thought everything was fine Jan 27 00:10:31 I'm sorry I robbed you of that Jan 27 00:11:34 It wasn't your fault *she opens her arms to him* Jan 27 00:12:22 * Morgan moves, wrapping his arms around her Jan 27 00:14:44 * Dietlinde cries on his shoulder Jan 27 00:14:55 It wasn't your fault, not any of it Jan 27 00:15:14 All of it was... you deserve so much better Jan 27 00:15:25 * Dietlinde shakes her head Jan 27 00:15:43 It wasn't your fault you were born noble and I was born common Jan 27 00:16:23 * Morgan rocks her gently for a few moments before backing up a bit Jan 27 00:16:32 What are we going to do? Jan 27 00:16:41 * Dietlinde takes out a hankie to dry her eyes Jan 27 00:17:07 Our marriage has ended Jan 27 00:17:32 * Morgan looks deeply upset but nods Jan 27 00:19:21 Dietlinde Koertig has been dead for three years, but Lina Curzon is not legally your wife Jan 27 00:21:16 * Morgan sighs heavily, nodding Jan 27 00:21:32 In Theus' eyes, we are still married until one of us is gone, and I will honour that in my life. Jan 27 00:22:18 * Morgan frowns Jan 27 00:22:46 Its like you said... the man you knew... he died... Jan 27 00:23:20 I think it means actually die though, not just... *she thinks* figuratively Jan 27 00:24:04 * Morgan nods, swallowing hard Jan 27 00:25:27 *a memory pops up, Molly saying just a week or so ago in Innesbruck whilst they were sat on the bridge "when you died on the island, it was like the dice pot of your life had been reshaken"* Jan 27 00:26:10 If... if it eases things for you... I... I did die... for a little while... Jan 27 00:26:27 How it that possible? Jan 27 00:26:47 I don't understand it... but... its true all the same... Jan 27 00:28:06 When was it? Jan 27 00:28:35 18 months ago, thereabouts Jan 27 00:29:17 * Dietlinde names the exact date that February Jan 27 00:29:27 * Morgan nods, confused Jan 27 00:29:43 I saw eight magpies that day. Eight for a death, isn't it. Jan 27 00:29:52 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:29:57 Yes, it is... Jan 27 00:30:22 * Dietlinde nods, taking a deep breath Jan 27 00:30:42 Then it's I am the widow, not you Jan 27 00:31:03 * Morgan sighing heavily, nods Jan 27 00:31:08 Aye... Jan 27 00:31:57 I don't think the Holy Book covers alive undead people Jan 27 00:32:10 * Morgan smiles slightly Jan 27 00:32:16 Its most inconvenient Jan 27 00:32:23 * Dietlinde smiles Jan 27 00:32:35 I'm sorry you died Jan 27 00:32:49 * Morgan smiles slightly Jan 27 00:33:00 I'm glad you didn't, as painful as this is Jan 27 00:33:08 * Dietlinde nods Jan 27 00:33:17 Last night I wished I had. Jan 27 00:33:25 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:33:28 I could tell Jan 27 00:33:32 * Dietlinde nods Jan 27 00:34:10 I thought how the children would live with you in Sudlachenburg, if I made it that way Jan 27 00:34:45 You are not still wishing that... Jan 27 00:35:27 You died. No pleading with Theus can make you come back to me when we are not married now Jan 27 00:36:25 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:36:30 What now? Jan 27 00:36:43 * Dietlinde drinks some coffee Jan 27 00:36:57 Do you still want us to live nearby? Jan 27 00:37:58 * Morgan nods, looking anxious Jan 27 00:38:17 I don't want to be a stranger to my children... nor they to me... Jan 27 00:38:22 * Dietlinde nods Jan 27 00:38:31 I don't want that either Jan 27 00:39:07 * Morgan nods solemnly Jan 27 00:39:41 They will always be your children Jan 27 00:39:53 * Morgan whispers 'thank you' Jan 27 00:40:02 * Dietlinde shakes her head Jan 27 00:40:10 You don't have to thank me Jan 27 00:40:34 It would be understandable for you to take them from me... Jan 27 00:41:16 It would be against principles, and besides that, they love you, and I wouldn't ever take someone they love from them Jan 27 00:41:39 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:41:58 How would we explain it to them? And to everyone else? Jan 27 00:42:15 * Dietlinde sighs, smiling a little Jan 27 00:42:27 Isn't this enough for tonight? Jan 27 00:43:00 Yes, of course... Would you like me to leave? Find an inn, or... go... Jan 27 00:43:08 * Dietlinde shakes her head Jan 27 00:43:16 No, the guest room is fine Jan 27 00:43:46 * Morgan nods, swallowing Jan 27 00:44:06 * Dietlinde offers him her handkerchief Jan 27 00:44:29 * Morgan takes it, pressing it to his eyes for a moment before handing it back Jan 27 00:44:51 I have a request, but I don't know if you can satisfy it Jan 27 00:45:13 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:45:19 If I can, I will Jan 27 00:45:45 Do you remember you had my wedding ring in your pocket that day? You were taking it to look at resizing because my fingers were swollen Jan 27 00:45:53 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:45:54 I do Jan 27 00:46:09 Do you still have it? Jan 27 00:46:19 Not with me but... yes... Jan 27 00:47:19 Could I please have it? I would much prefer to wear that than this, and I'll be more at peace if I can grieve my husband with it on Jan 27 00:48:06 I carried it with me, everywhere I went... I'll... I'm reluctant to send it, just in case it gets taken... Jan 27 00:48:45 * Dietlinde nods "when you next visit then, or when we move. Did you keep yours too?" Jan 27 00:48:53 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:49:01 Of course... and the handkerchiefs... Jan 27 00:49:15 * Dietlinde smiles Jan 27 00:49:22 I'd forgotten about them Jan 27 00:50:02 How do you want to handle things tomorrow, with the children? You didn't want them realising... Jan 27 00:50:41 We can still be friendly, can't we? I've kissed Heinzharold's cheek before Jan 27 00:51:05 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:52:28 * Dietlinde smiles "did he tell you about the day he was at the cottage and he's knocked the head off your best chopping axe, and he hadn't realised I was behind him and said "You can kiss my ass!" Jan 27 00:52:54 * Dietlinde blushes at the word even though she's smiling Jan 27 00:53:31 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 00:53:47 No, he hadn't... I always wondered what happened to that Jan 27 00:54:01 I said "I think he'd like that less than breaking the axe!" Jan 27 00:55:01 * Morgan laughs Jan 27 00:55:17 * Dietlinde has the saddest of smiles "he tried to fix it, but it was always a bit loose" Jan 27 00:55:28 * Morgan nods Jan 27 00:55:33 Was never the same Jan 27 00:56:30 * Dietlinde nods "like when you break a sword. You can have a blacksmith fix it, but the strength is gone" *this gives him serious deja vu* Jan 27 00:56:53 * Morgan nods, blinking a few times Jan 27 00:58:22 *he'd said almost exactly this to Molly last month about how if you were then lucky you'd find another sword that you felt safe with, and you never wished this sword was your old sword, even when you missed the last* Jan 27 00:59:26 * Morgan nods slightly again Jan 27 01:00:15 * Dietlinde finishes her coffee "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Morgan" Jan 27 01:00:31 * Morgan nods, taking her cup Jan 27 01:00:37 I'll see you in the morning Jan 27 01:01:01 * Dietlinde nods, giving him a last smile as she goes out of the door Jan 27 01:01:40 * Morgan sits there, staring at the two cups in his hands before finally getting up and taking them to the kitchen to wash Jan 27 01:03:03 *there's a cat in the kitchen, though he doesn't remember seeing on before or one being talked about it's black and white, and looks like it has a pirate eyepatch and little beard* Jan 27 01:03:39 * Morgan tries to shoo it out Jan 27 01:03:51 *it meows at him Jan 27 01:04:30 Come on, out, this isn't your kitchen Jan 27 01:05:10 *the next meow wakes him* Jan 27 01:05:22 * Dietlinde is now known as Molly Jan 27 01:05:34 * Morgan draws a ragged breath Jan 27 01:05:58 *the cat bolts out of the open door* Jan 27 01:06:38 * Morgan practically falls onto the floor, making a guttural sound of anguish as he scrambles for his trousers Jan 27 01:06:56 * Molly wakes Jan 27 01:07:06 What...? What's going on? Jan 27 01:07:43 * Morgan collapses to the floor, burying his face into the duvet and wailing with the pain of loss Jan 27 01:08:47 * Molly gets out, coming to him. She places a hand on his back, and he knows she'll use the magic if he doesn't stop her Jan 27 01:09:32 * Morgan scrambles away from her, scooting across the floor Jan 27 01:10:03 * Molly reaches in the dark for the pipe on the bed side Jan 27 01:10:16 * Morgan touches his fingers together frantically Jan 27 01:11:46 Liebes herz, pipe... Jan 27 01:12:38 * Morgan swears, driving himself out of the door, audibly stumbling his way down the corridor as he runs for the deck Jan 27 01:13:31 * Molly follows him, forgetting to take anything but the pipe with her Jan 27 01:14:48 * Morgan sprints up onto the deck, making a noise of pain before throwing himself over the rail, hitting the water and sinking ten, twenty, thirty feet before releasing as much magic as he can Jan 27 01:16:28 * Molly follows him as far as the rail. Though he can't hear it from where he is, up above Claudia says "what the actual fuck are you doing?!". Around him the water gets very warm Jan 27 01:17:47 * Morgan waits as long as he can, dissipating as much magic as possible before rising to the surface Jan 27 01:18:25 *even the surface is warm, but the magic feels spent Jan 27 01:18:51 * Morgan swims to the ship, breathing heavily Jan 27 01:19:39 *the water closet to the ship is cold* Jan 27 01:20:40 * Morgan presses his forehead against the ship for a moment before swimming to the anchor, starting to haul himself up Jan 27 01:22:27 *when he gets there, he finds an unimpressed coatless Claudia, and and a concerned Molly clad in nothing but a short coat, holding a pipe. It'd be comical in any other circumstance Jan 27 01:23:01 * Morgan watches them, breathing heavily Jan 27 01:23:48 *Claudia looks at him, completely serious when she says* you're twenty minutes early. Jan 27 01:24:32 * Morgan watches her before suddenly laughing Jan 27 01:25:06 *Claudia laughs too, but Molly is simply watching him* Jan 27 01:25:52 * Morgan looks at her Jan 27 01:26:04 You're angry Jan 27 01:26:13 I'm -worried- Jan 27 01:26:24 * Morgan nods Jan 27 01:26:29 It was bad Jan 27 01:26:39 * Molly nods Jan 27 01:26:52 Do you want me to stay, or leave you alone? Jan 27 01:27:23 Lets go below, I need something warm and a drink and that pipe Jan 27 01:27:40 * Molly hands him the pipe Jan 27 01:27:50 C: See you in a bit Jan 27 01:28:00 Got a light? Jan 27 01:28:20 * Molly giggles at this, and Claudia laughs Jan 27 01:28:52 I uhh... I've got nothing left Jan 27 01:29:50 *Claudia takes a taper candle from the only lantern that's kept lit on deck* Jan 27 01:30:34 * Morgan uses it to light the pipe before walking across the deck to go below Jan 27 01:30:52 * Molly starts to follow him before she says Jan 27 01:31:06 Hold on, I just need to give Claudia her coat back Jan 27 01:31:19 * Morgan looks to her Jan 27 01:31:30 Did you stop long enough to put anything on? Jan 27 01:31:38 * Molly giggles Jan 27 01:31:42 Uhhh no Jan 27 01:31:51 Then she can have it later Jan 27 01:32:08 * Molly nods, following him below Jan 27 01:33:06 * Morgan heads back to his cabin, drawing on the pipe before shedding his trousers and gathering a blanket around himself, sitting down Jan 27 01:35:37 * Molly hangs Claudia's coat carefully before bringing a cushion and another blanket, sitting on the floor at his feet. The pipe has the usual effect very quickly, and is incredibly effective against the nightmare, as DeeDee predicted Jan 27 01:36:13 * Morgan sighs Jan 27 01:36:15 sorry Jan 27 01:36:40 * Molly shakes her head "it's fine" Jan 27 01:38:29 * Morgan draws on the pipe again, offering it to her Jan 27 01:38:47 Didn't want to but... too much... was dangerous Jan 27 01:39:19 * Molly takes it, no coughing this time. She hands the pipe back, looking more relaxed Jan 27 01:39:35 * Morgan holds it, not using it again Jan 27 01:39:42 As expected? Jan 27 01:39:52 * Morgan nods Jan 27 01:39:54 And worse Jan 27 01:40:01 * Molly sighs Jan 27 01:40:33 "Oh liebling. If it wouldn't kill you, I'd disconnect your brain for the night" Jan 27 01:40:53 * Morgan nods Jan 27 01:40:59 It'd just be waiting for me anyway Jan 27 01:41:11 Was it blue? Jan 27 01:42:10 * Molly mutters something he doesn't understand In Montaigne, but he knows it contains the word cock Jan 27 01:42:16 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 01:43:41 * Molly fidgets, lying on the floor Jan 27 01:44:34 I can't believe it! I'm just not going to sleep, and I can wake you whenever you start to dream. Jan 27 01:44:55 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 01:45:01 Can't do that Jan 27 01:45:08 I could Jan 27 01:46:03 No, love... trust me Jan 27 01:46:19 * Molly shrugs Jan 27 01:46:31 It is killing me to be unable to stop these Jan 27 01:46:47 * Morgan nods Jan 27 01:46:55 I'd have managed but... Jan 27 01:47:21 But? Jan 27 01:48:13 I've just spent two solid days playing with my children... and then I lost Dietlinde and woke up to the realisation they're all gone Jan 27 01:48:35 * Molly looks heartbroken for him Jan 27 01:48:39 That's awful Jan 27 01:49:05 * Morgan draws his legs up, curling up in the chair Jan 27 01:49:40 What would you have me do, liebling? Do you wish me to hold you? Jan 27 01:49:50 * Morgan nods Jan 27 01:50:31 * Molly leaves her own blanket on the floor, coming to him Jan 27 01:50:49 * Morgan leans into her, sobbing quietly Jan 27 01:51:22 * Molly strokes his shoulders, gently rocking him Jan 27 01:52:07 I'm sorry I'm dragging you through this Jan 27 01:52:37 No, my love. You aren't dragging me, I am here because I choose to be Jan 27 01:53:55 It hurts, love. It hurts so much Jan 27 01:54:51 Of course it does, liebling. Grief is all the love we have but can't give, and when someone loves as hard as you do, they grieve as hard too Jan 27 01:56:05 * Morgan nods Jan 27 01:56:52 * Molly continues rubbing his shoulders Jan 27 01:57:43 I'm giving serious thought to just holing up in here fr the day Jan 27 01:57:52 * Molly nods Jan 27 01:58:07 I will see to everything you need Jan 27 01:59:04 * Morgan nods, shifting in the chair Jan 27 01:59:17 I'll be alright if you want to try to get some more sleep Jan 27 01:59:29 * Molly shakes her head Jan 27 01:59:43 No, I want to be here with you Jan 27 02:00:05 * Morgan nods Jan 27 02:00:15 You know how deeply I love you, don't you? Jan 27 02:00:34 * Molly nods, kissing his crown Jan 27 02:00:50 Yes, I do. What's brought that up? Jan 27 02:01:25 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 02:01:34 Just something said in the dream Jan 27 02:01:40 * Molly nods Jan 27 02:02:03 Another time then. Shall I sit with you? Jan 27 02:02:48 * Morgan nods, shifting over Jan 27 02:04:22 * Molly gets the other blanket, but sits in his lap, wrapping the blanket around her and tucking it in around him too. He's still able to get the pipe to his mouth Jan 27 02:04:46 * Morgan draws on it again Jan 27 02:05:04 I dread sleeping Jan 27 02:05:11 *the effects are stronger than before* Jan 27 02:05:26 I know. Surely it must turn blue soon? Jan 27 02:06:34 I don't know... the cat turned up in the dream, waking me up... Jan 27 02:06:46 * Morgan makes a noise, trying to call the cat to him Jan 27 02:07:23 *the knob of the door turns, and it opens, Ulysses sauntering in* Jan 27 02:07:32 Oh god he can open doors. Jan 27 02:08:39 * Morgan watches the door Jan 27 02:09:36 *Ulysses gets to the chair before meowing. He's alone* Jan 27 02:09:58 * Morgan reaches down, picking him up Jan 27 02:10:03 How did you do that, hmm? Jan 27 02:10:18 *the cat purrs enigmatically* Jan 27 02:10:51 * Morgan fusses the cat Jan 27 02:11:00 Alright, that is -really- weird Jan 27 02:11:04 *that pleasant buzz is stronger this time" Jan 27 02:11:17 That he let himself in? Jan 27 02:11:26 * Morgan nods Jan 27 02:11:59 Maybe Varick needs to tell him about parents' bedrooms being private! Jan 27 02:12:14 To be fair... I was calling him Jan 27 02:12:38 Is that how he got in before? Jan 27 02:13:39 On his own, you mean? Jan 27 02:13:45 * Molly nods Jan 27 02:14:33 Must be Jan 27 02:15:40 * Molly nods, letting the cat get in under the blanket, the purring vibrating on Morgan's chest Jan 27 02:16:13 * Morgan cuddles the cat to him, stroking him gently Jan 27 02:16:21 Little man woke me up Jan 27 02:17:08 * Molly nods "mmm... I wonder if they can smell it" Jan 27 02:17:28 The distress? Jan 27 02:17:35 Mmhmm Jan 27 02:19:16 * Morgan has quit (Quit: This computer has gone to sleep) Jan 27 02:20:44 * Molly has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Jan 27 09:45:03 * Morgan (~mads@iMac-2.lan) has joined Jan 27 09:46:22 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Jan 27 10:04:36 Is that how he got in before? Jan 27 10:04:36 On his own, you mean? Jan 27 10:04:36 * Molly nods Jan 27 10:04:36 Must be Jan 27 10:04:36 * Molly nods, letting the cat get in under the blanket, the purring vibrating on Morgan's chest Jan 27 10:04:38 * Morgan cuddles the cat to him, stroking him gently Jan 27 10:04:40 Little man woke me up Jan 27 10:04:42 * Molly nods "mmm... I wonder if they can smell it" Jan 27 10:04:44 The distress? Jan 27 10:04:46 Mmhmm Jan 27 10:04:48 .me nods Jan 27 10:04:52 Maybe I suppose Jan 27 10:05:16 We can ask Varick. Will I keep him away today? Jan 27 10:05:43 I don't think that'd be fair for him Jan 27 10:06:46 He would understand that Papa needs space again Jan 27 10:07:27 Even so Jan 27 10:08:04 * MollyK nods, resting her temple to his shoulder Jan 27 10:09:01 Maybe by the time we get home the Nieblungen will have found a solution Jan 27 10:10:41 I doubt it Jan 27 10:12:40 * MollyK sighs "maybe Capperlucia has herbs for it that Theah Main doesn't know of" Jan 27 10:13:22 Perhaps... not sure I'd be that lucky... Jan 27 10:13:36 * MollyK nods Jan 27 10:13:54 Something has to change. We can't face the coming storm like this Jan 27 10:14:28 Maybe we'll have run out of ways to torment me by then Jan 27 10:14:41 * MollyK shrugs Jan 27 10:14:57 I wish you could just dream of the Schattenmann again! Jan 27 10:16:00 * Morgan nods, shuddering Jan 27 10:16:21 At least that is just scary, not very soul-crushing Jan 27 10:17:46 * Morgan nods, breathing slowly Jan 27 10:18:13 I'm here, my love. It's fine to be upset Jan 27 10:19:48 * Morgan sighs Jan 27 10:19:55 I'm... I'm ok... mostly Jan 27 10:21:07 Have some more tobacco, my love. Jan 27 10:22:24 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 10:22:39 No, I don't want any more Jan 27 10:22:52 Whyever not? It helps, doesn't it? Jan 27 10:24:19 I don't want to be insensible Jan 27 10:25:35 You are safe here. I would protect you with everything I have, and if we're honest, that is a dangerous amount! Jan 27 10:27:17 * Morgan nods, leaning his head against her Jan 27 10:27:47 * MollyK gently nuzzles her temple to him Jan 27 10:28:30 I can fix almost anything, but I can't fix this. It makes me feel so angry and impotent. Jan 27 10:31:02 * Morgan nods Jan 27 10:31:11 I'm sorry you are made to feel that way Jan 27 10:32:10 It is what it is, my love. Maybe I just can't -yet- Jan 27 10:32:26 * Morgan nods, closing his eyes Jan 27 10:32:47 * MollyK tilts her head, inadvertently head butting him a little Jan 27 10:33:04 ow Jan 27 10:33:33 Sorry, liebling! *she kisses the spot* just an idea that's all Jan 27 10:34:16 Whats that? Jan 27 10:34:22 I need brains. Jan 27 10:34:56 I'm sorry? Jan 27 10:35:10 Sleeping brains... nightmare brains... Jan 27 10:35:26 I think perhaps... no more ideas until the pipe has worn off... Jan 27 10:36:58 No... I need to sense people's brains when they are asleep.mif I can understand-how- it works, maybe I can understand how to fix it Jan 27 10:37:07 Maybe* Jan 27 10:37:48 * Morgan nods Jan 27 10:37:52 That makes sense Jan 27 10:39:45 * MollyK nods Jan 27 10:39:57 I'm relaxed, not demented. Jan 27 10:40:34 I know but... HeinzHarold gets daft when he smokes Jan 27 10:41:16 Dafter. *she smiles, which he feels against his neck rather than sees* Jan 27 10:41:29 * Morgan nods Jan 27 10:41:35 Yeah, that Jan 27 10:42:09 Maybe there's hope. Maybe I -can- heal this part of you Jan 27 10:44:09 Right up until I see something useful... Jan 27 10:44:34 We will watch for dangers around us. This is intolerable. Jan 27 10:45:19 We wouldn't have seen the danger of that ship Jan 27 10:46:31 I can't let you bear this Jan 27 10:47:01 * Morgan sighs Jan 27 10:47:05 I'm alright Jan 27 10:47:23 * MollyK sighs Jan 27 10:47:36 Are you trying to convince me, or yourself? Jan 27 10:47:56 Mostly you Jan 27 10:48:33 I'd prefer to know what-is- not what you -hope- Jan 27 10:49:33 * Morgan nods Jan 27 10:50:47 Should've gone by the galley... I could murder some coffee Jan 27 10:51:01 I'll go, my love Jan 27 10:52:35 No, its fine Jan 27 10:53:12 * MollyK starts to get off his lap but then hesitates before kissing him, her lips closed but with a firm pressure Jan 27 10:55:06 * Morgan can be felt relaxing Jan 27 10:57:30 * MollyK gently brings her hand to his face tenderly. The pressure softens a little Jan 27 10:58:03 * Morgan moves slightly, pressing his forehead to hers Jan 27 10:58:09 We're alright love Jan 27 10:58:46 * MollyK nods Jan 27 10:58:58 I know, but sometimes I just want to kiss you Jan 27 10:59:08 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:00:06 * MollyK does so again, interrupted by a knocking noise at the door, quietly and like it's done with a foot Jan 27 11:00:35 * Morgan pulls his blanket tighter Jan 27 11:00:41 Can't be the cat, he'd have just opened it Jan 27 11:01:02 I don't think cats wear boots anyway Jan 27 11:01:11 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:01:58 * MollyK checks hers is covering her nakedness before getting up to open the door Jan 27 11:02:43 *HH has a tray and a concerned expression* hey, brought you coffee... Jan 27 11:03:04 Thanks man Jan 27 11:03:44 *HH puts it on a table* Think my lil darlin wants Molly a minute if y' can spare 'er Jan 27 11:04:03 * Morgan looks to Molly, nodding Jan 27 11:04:07 I'll be alright Jan 27 11:04:11 * MollyK watches Morgan's expression Jan 27 11:05:11 Alright... *she picks up a selection of clothing, taking it out into the study. HH sits on the bed* warmed up yet? Jan 27 11:05:16 * MollyK is now known as HH Jan 27 11:05:34 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 11:05:50 Not especially... water was warmer Jan 27 11:06:07 Want some clothes findin'? Jan 27 11:06:38 Probably should I suppose. Jan 27 11:07:01 * HH starts that, opening the wardrobe Jan 27 11:07:26 Thought mebbie y' might need t' talk about stuff that Molly might not be th' best to hear Jan 27 11:08:26 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 11:09:01 You ever been disappointed in me? Jan 27 11:10:12 * HH shakes his head "Don' think so" Jan 27 11:10:54 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:10:55 good Jan 27 11:11:12 Y' dreamt I was? Jan 27 11:11:45 * Morgan nods slightly Jan 27 11:11:50 Cant say I blamed you Jan 27 11:13:21 * HH hands him a shirt Jan 27 11:13:37 What did y' do? Jan 27 11:15:42 They hadn't died... Edward had hidden them away, thinking in a month or two he'd tell me they were alive and... I don't know, I'd take a noble wife and keep Dietlinde on the side but I ran away.... Told us when he came back after I married Molly... Jan 27 11:17:19 * HH nods Jan 27 11:17:31 Same shit different night then? Jan 27 11:17:42 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 11:18:11 Molly ran away... think I told you that... Jan 27 11:18:40 Yeah, think y' said y' found her? Jan 27 11:19:00 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:19:55 Edward had managed to get this idea in my head that I could have them both... Dietlinde as my mistress... somehow I got Molly to agree and set off to find Dietlinde and my children Jan 27 11:20:26 * HH nods, looking sceptical "yeah..." Jan 27 11:21:04 I know, I know... unlikely, but... thats how it went alright Jan 27 11:21:16 Yeah, go on Jan 27 11:21:49 Dietlinde had no idea... she thought it was all my plan to keep them safe. Jan 27 11:22:00 * HH grimaces Jan 27 11:22:08 Not good Jan 27 11:23:09 No... I explained it all to her, everything... she wouldn't have it, not for a second... eventually she came to the conclusion that the man she had loved had died.... It wasn't me anymore Jan 27 11:23:40 Fuck, man. Jan 27 11:23:58 * Morgan chews at his bottom lip Jan 27 11:24:13 Need a hug? Jan 27 11:24:32 I'm still naked Jan 27 11:25:04 I'm not gonna notice yer little dingaling any'ow Jan 27 11:25:54 * Morgan nods, tucking the blanket under his arms so he can hug HeinzHarold, scars on show Jan 27 11:26:09 * HH hugs him tight Jan 27 11:28:54 * Morgan clears his throat after a minute, sitting back down Jan 27 11:29:49 Not even the hardest part Jan 27 11:29:53 * HH sits down on the bed Jan 27 11:30:18 Can't get much worse than 'er not accepting you now Jan 27 11:31:17 I've just spent two solid days playing with my children, learning about them, getting to know them... and then... gone in an instant. Jan 27 11:32:39 * HH shakes his head, looking gutted Jan 27 11:32:49 Shit Jan 27 11:33:22 * Morgan nods, pulling the shirt on Jan 27 11:33:30 Yeah. Jan 27 11:35:09 * HH sighs Jan 27 11:35:31 I dunno what to say, man. No wonder yer cut up Jan 27 11:36:20 Its not so bad right now Jan 27 11:36:45 * HH looks at the pipe Jan 27 11:36:53 Good, ain't it? Jan 27 11:36:58 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:37:09 Didn't help right off... had to get off the ship Jan 27 11:37:45 * HH nods Jan 27 11:37:54 Least y' know how to handle that Jan 27 11:38:02 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:38:10 There's a massive patch of warm water out there Jan 27 11:38:29 Bit like when y' pee in it Jan 27 11:38:54 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:38:55 Spose so Jan 27 11:40:48 Had a chat with Claudia, Sorgi, an' Inga. We're gonna see to Varick, keep him entertained f' the day. I swapped my shift out, Claudia's got one this af'noon but Sorgi has a stand-in in case y' need her too. We had a lil chat about turning back f' home, but I said there's no way y'd go for that Jan 27 11:41:48 What good would turning back do me? Jan 27 11:43:04 Fuck knows. Get y' to Hafenlohr an' concentratin' on building the cottage, I guess Jan 27 11:44:31 I'll have something to concentrate on building soon Jan 27 11:45:04 * HH nods Jan 27 11:45:34 I was thinking of just... curling up in here today but... its not fair to Varick Jan 27 11:47:27 He's gon' be fine with us. Get Xsarlac to do a lil bit of languages, then we're gonna play hide an' seek. Gonna give him a bit o' learning about navigating. He's got time with Amir. It's all good, man, we got this Jan 27 11:48:45 * HH pours him some coffee Jan 27 11:49:23 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:50:27 Inga's checkin' in on Molly, make sure she's faring okay and givin' her some love Jan 27 11:51:42 She's mostly struggling with not being able to fix it Jan 27 11:52:39 Could be much worse, considerin' Jan 27 11:52:49 Haven't told her most of it Jan 27 11:52:58 Going to? Jan 27 11:53:04 Dunno yet Jan 27 11:53:15 * HH nods Jan 27 11:54:41 Just spend th' day together, man, let us handle th' rest. Quite a while ago from what y' said, b'fore me an Inga got married. Mebbie things are different enough now f' it to be less upsettin' to her Jan 27 11:55:33 Or she's better at hiding it Jan 27 11:57:23 Tough t' know man, women, they're complicated Jan 27 11:57:56 * Morgan nods Jan 27 11:58:05 Rather noticed that myself Jan 27 11:58:20 * HH nods Jan 27 11:58:31 It all over an' done with now? Jan 27 11:59:43 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 11:59:58 I just don't know... cat appeared in the dream and woke me up Jan 27 12:00:09 Shit Jan 27 12:00:54 * Morgan nods Jan 27 12:00:55 Yeah Jan 27 12:01:34 Got enough wood f' you to start chopping? Jan 27 12:01:48 some... need to pick some up in Jura Jan 27 12:02:13 Gotta proper axe, or just using that fancy Montaigne one? Jan 27 12:02:41 I've got a small axe... did you... did you break the axe at my cottage? Jan 27 12:02:59 * HH frowns a little Jan 27 12:03:04 Mebbie... Jan 27 12:03:52 * Morgan nods Jan 27 12:04:06 Didn't know y' knew about tha' Jan 27 12:04:22 I didn't... 's how I know this wasn't just my mind torturing me... Jan 27 12:05:09 Huh *he looks thoughtful, looking at his hand* did my best t' fix it. I was gonna make y' a new one, but... Jan 27 12:06:01 'M not angry... mildly amused you told an axe it could kiss your ass though Jan 27 12:07:05 * HH nods, but his micro-expression reveals pain Jan 27 12:07:26 Figured y'd not be impressed she heard me cursin' Jan 27 12:07:42 hey... its alright man Jan 27 12:07:49 * HH nods Jan 27 12:08:05 Yeah... haven't thought about tha' in a long time Jan 27 12:08:21 * Morgan nods Jan 27 12:09:06 * HH pours some coffee in the second cup before drinking it Jan 27 12:09:18 Its difficult... creeps up on you Jan 27 12:10:01 Big mem'ries get in the way o' the little ones Jan 27 12:10:38 * Morgan watches him for a moment Jan 27 12:10:42 Let it go Jan 27 12:10:49 What? Jan 27 12:11:07 The big memory you're holding onto Jan 27 12:11:20 I'm okay, man Jan 27 12:11:58 horse... shit... Jan 27 12:13:38 Nah, man, it's fine. Got bigger problems right now, ain't we? Jan 27 12:13:55 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 12:14:15 I'm gonn' be alright... Jan 27 12:15:34 * HH nods Jan 27 12:16:09 Gonna keep Amir outta earshot as best I can Jan 27 12:16:25 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 12:17:11 One, my son... was older than Amir... two, and you'll learn this for yourself at some point... when they want attention, there is no keeping them out of earshot Jan 27 12:17:45 Just tryin' t' make it easier man Jan 27 12:18:18 I know... and I'm grateful, I am Jan 27 12:19:47 * HH nods "we love you, man." Jan 27 12:20:19 * Morgan nods, smiling Jan 27 12:20:34 I know. I love you all too Jan 27 12:21:10 * HH nods "y' gonna be okay til Molly gets back?" Jan 27 12:21:26 You going? Jan 27 12:22:04 Was gon' get Varick up, but I can stay. Just figured y' not wantin' to talk much more about it yet Jan 27 12:22:59 Not much else to say Jan 27 12:23:38 * HH nods "just send Molly t' find us if y' need us today" Jan 27 12:24:07 * Morgan nods Jan 27 12:24:14 Alright man Jan 27 12:25:02 * HH nods, patting his shoulder on the way out. The cat takes up the warm patch where Heinzharold had been sat Jan 27 12:25:17 * Morgan looks at the cat Jan 27 12:25:21 opportunist Jan 27 12:25:34 *he just yawns* Jan 27 12:47:40 * Morgan moves, pulling his clothes on before drinking his coffee Jan 27 12:48:45 * HH comes in about five minutes later Jan 27 12:48:50 * HH is now known as Molly Jan 27 12:49:57 I've locked the outer door, my love, and breakfast is on the desk Jan 27 12:50:25 * Morgan nods Jan 27 12:50:31 Thank you love Jan 27 12:51:04 * Molly nods, smiling, and goes back to the other room. He notices the pipe is out Jan 27 12:51:29 * Morgan picks it up, wandering into the other room Jan 27 12:51:56 * Molly is looking through the books on the bookshelf Jan 27 12:52:16 What you looking for? Jan 27 12:52:37 Something to read to you, I thought you might like that Jan 27 12:53:24 * Morgan nods, sitting down at his desk Jan 27 12:53:39 What did Inga say? Jan 27 12:54:10 That she hopes you're alright, and to send her love Jan 27 12:54:45 * Morgan smiles slightly Jan 27 12:54:48 Are -you- alright? Jan 27 12:55:36 * Molly nods Jan 27 12:56:01 I am terribly sad for you, and frustrated, but I am alright Jan 27 12:56:09 * Morgan nods Jan 27 12:56:12 'M alright Jan 27 12:57:03 * Molly brings two books to the table, sitting to eat. She's made him tea Jan 27 12:58:36 Was Heinzharold a help? Jan 27 12:59:13 He's already taken care of everything... think soon he's going to need some help dealing with a memory Jan 27 12:59:34 Oh? *she looks interested* Jan 27 12:59:53 If something in the dream is correct, its fair to assume other things are I think... Jan 27 13:00:06 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:01:13 Normally we can see where the path splits from reality... Leopold taking Sophie to Eisen, or me marrying Curtis because I didn't fall in the pool, for example Jan 27 13:01:36 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:02:22 In which case... HeinzHarold is haunted by the memory of digging them out of the ruin to bury them... his focus on certain details... Jan 27 13:02:45 * Molly says "Ah" non-committally Jan 27 13:02:56 * Morgan looks at her Jan 27 13:02:58 What? Jan 27 13:03:20 I think I know what you mean Jan 27 13:03:36 The soot? Jan 27 13:04:05 * Molly nods slightly "yes" Jan 27 13:04:27 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:05:18 * Morgan frowns Jan 27 13:05:23 Inga told you? Jan 27 13:05:29 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:05:36 alright Jan 27 13:05:39 He doesn't know I know Jan 27 13:06:13 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:06:17 I won't let on Jan 27 13:06:23 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:06:27 Thank you Jan 27 13:07:04 Claudia knows too Jan 27 13:07:19 Who told her? Jan 27 13:08:30 She was there a few weeks after. If you try to clean your hands with very harsh methods, you have to explain why they're red and sore Jan 27 13:09:30 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:09:42 So... just me he's kept it from, for my own good Jan 27 13:09:48 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:10:03 He doesn't want you having all the awful details, my love Jan 27 13:10:19 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:10:40 aye... problem is... I've got a good chunk of them now... at least about the soot Jan 27 13:10:53 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:11:25 Fu-... damned nightmares. Jan 27 13:13:11 * Morgan nods, sipping his tea Jan 27 13:13:35 *it's perfect* Jan 27 13:14:01 'M ok... bit of a hard truth but... mostly its that realisation after spending days with the children Jan 27 13:14:13 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:14:54 That is hard. There's been several I've dreamt where they survived. It's strange knowing someone you never knew Jan 27 13:15:04 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:15:08 Aye, it is Jan 27 13:16:34 * Molly eats quietly, occassionally giving him little loving smiles when their eyes meet Jan 27 13:18:23 I know they've planned to give us space but... I want to see Varick today Jan 27 13:18:36 Whatever you need, my love Jan 27 13:18:44 And if I need normality? Jan 27 13:18:55 Then you'll have it Jan 27 13:19:19 *the ship starts to move off, not quite dawn but almost Jan 27 13:19:34 * Morgan sighs Jan 27 13:19:58 Think thats the... second or third time I've missed dawn... not including the times I was stuck Jan 27 13:21:30 Mmm on honeymoon I recall a morning early on it where we woke to sunlight and contemplated staying in bed all day to talk, embrace, and explore the newness of making love together Jan 27 13:22:25 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:23:14 * Molly smiles fondly Jan 27 13:23:22 That was a happy day Jan 27 13:24:34 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:24:42 Yes, it was Jan 27 13:25:57 * Molly nods "there'll be happier, easier days than today, we just need to hold on" Jan 27 13:26:10 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:26:14 The worst of today is past Jan 27 13:26:23 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:27:14 Maybe you'd like to draw up some plans for Hafenlohr? Jan 27 13:27:39 * Morgan nods, sighing Jan 27 13:29:15 Are you wanting to talk about it? Jan 27 13:31:51 I do have some ideas, thought we weren't able to explore there much. I look forward to loosing more arrows from the roof! Jan 27 13:32:28 Thats not -quite- what I meant... Jan 27 13:32:54 You meant the nightmare? Yes, whenever you feel ready to Jan 27 13:33:56 What do ou want to know? Jan 27 13:34:35 Would you wish to sit somewhere comfortable instead? Jan 27 13:34:45 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 13:34:55 I'm alright, or we can move to the couch Jan 27 13:35:16 Let's move, being close is preferable for me Jan 27 13:36:59 * Molly goes to the one that faces the window "would it be easier for you if you lay your head on my lap, or if you can see my face?" Jan 27 13:37:43 * Morgan shrugs, bringing his tea and sitting opposite her Jan 27 13:39:21 * Molly thinks "I think you'd left me at Die Dauerhaftigkeit after finding me in the waterwheel house?" *he knows he hadn't told her about the mistress idea* Jan 27 13:40:14 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:40:53 HeinzHarold and I went... found her in a house in Grenau... she was thrilled, having been told the whole thing was my idea Jan 27 13:42:11 * Molly nods, sipping her coffee Jan 27 13:42:15 I'd imagine so Jan 27 13:42:23 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:42:54 I had to explain it all to her, what Edward did, where I'd been, you, everything. Jan 27 13:43:19 * Molly sighs "that would be hard to hear" Jan 27 13:43:29 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:43:44 It was brutal telling her... and about Edwards newest idea... Jan 27 13:44:14 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:44:25 She must have been incredibly distressed Jan 27 13:45:34 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:46:06 She was convinced that, if she prayed hard enough, I'd see sense and we'd leave and find somewhere safe Jan 27 13:46:22 * Molly nods Jan 27 13:46:42 She was particularly strengthened by her belief? Jan 27 13:46:51 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:46:56 Yes, she always was Jan 27 13:47:17 * Molly nods "were you that way too, back then?" Jan 27 13:47:22 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:47:25 I was, yes Jan 27 13:47:37 She found my loss of faith quite distressing Jan 27 13:48:07 * Molly nods "which is strange to me, because I am so familiar with it" Jan 27 13:48:15 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:48:43 The children, they... they thought we would find somewhere and all live together happily... Jan 27 13:48:59 * Molly sighs, offering her hand Jan 27 13:49:10 * Morgan takes it, sipping his tea Jan 27 13:50:12 We didn't let them know... I was staying a few days... got word on the second day you were acting... strangely, so HeinzHarold left to come home to check on you Jan 27 13:51:22 * Molly shakes her head "I would not have wallowed in my misery, I would have made sure noone could pity me" Jan 27 13:51:33 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:52:37 That is fairly strange... you refused to talk to anyone about anything, saying it was a matter for you and your husband... then you managed to talk five hundred guilders out of my father to go find a house for DIetlinde and the children... Jan 27 13:52:50 * Molly grimaces Jan 27 13:53:11 That is all quite consistent with me, isn't it? Jan 27 13:53:16 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:53:35 You behave in a similar way when you are scared you will be left Jan 27 13:53:51 * Molly nods, biting her lip Jan 27 13:55:00 It's a need to retain some control when I am powerless to the decisions of others. At the very least, I can make some decisions, and have control of -myself-, the reactions people can see Jan 27 13:55:16 * Morgan nods, squeezing her hand Jan 27 13:55:35 * Molly squeezes back firmly Jan 27 13:56:23 I would not have been happy that word had reached you of anyone's concerns. I would have been very angry, and likely I'd have run away a while Jan 27 13:56:37 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:56:48 It was all very... coded. Quite cleverly. Jan 27 13:57:02 Who told you? Jan 27 13:57:49 Inga got your mother to write to HeinzHarold... then your father rode straight through the Schwarzenwald to cut two days off the time it took to get to us Jan 27 13:58:16 * Molly rolls her eyes "and that is entirely consistent with my father!" Jan 27 13:58:37 I thought so Jan 27 13:59:36 My mother would only have done that if she'd been very worried too. Which means they were probably scared I'd have a breakdown like with Cess. Jan 27 13:59:44 * Morgan nods Jan 27 13:59:55 You had insomnia too, so... yes, I think you're right Jan 27 14:00:08 * Molly looks frustrated Jan 27 14:00:12 I hate that! Jan 27 14:00:24 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:00:35 I know love Jan 27 14:00:51 * Molly tries to shake it off "How was it coded?" Jan 27 14:02:09 I didn't see it, so I'm not certain... just that you were alright, and you said everything was alright... and signed off with some word, little cuddle bear I think... which Inga and HeinzHarold had joked about being code when they couldn't say something openly... he picked up on it that she needed to tell him something she couldn't have Martha write Jan 27 14:02:44 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:02:59 I know they have code words, but I only know one of them Jan 27 14:03:09 Oh? Jan 27 14:03:49 If they call each other Pidge, it means someone needs to talk and the other spouse should try to keep others away Jan 27 14:04:24 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:04:34 I'll keep an ear out for that then Jan 27 14:05:00 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:05:29 I think it's quite sweet, and very in keeeping with a man of espionage Jan 27 14:05:52 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:05:55 Very fitting Jan 27 14:06:03 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:06:33 What happened next? Jan 27 14:08:46 He went, I put the children to bed... then... Dietlinde and I talked... She would not relent on Edwards plan but... she could see how I'd changed... how I wasn't the same man she fell in love with... Jan 27 14:09:19 * Molly nods "I admire the courage of her conviction..." Jan 27 14:09:33 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:09:49 That was that. Jan 27 14:10:03 * Molly sighs Jan 27 14:10:18 That must have been so hard for you Jan 27 14:10:25 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:10:39 In some respects, I was relieved... Jan 27 14:11:02 Because it meant you didn't not have to make the decision? Jan 27 14:12:03 maybe... maybe because I didn't have to push her away and hurt her more Jan 27 14:12:36 It'd be hard to be pushed away, especially when really you are in the right... Jan 27 14:12:58 * Morgan sighs Jan 27 14:13:56 I was tidying up and this cat, looking like a pirate appeared in the kitchen, meowing... wasn't theirs so I tried to shoo it out and then... I woke up and the two days I'd spent with my children... it was all just... gone. Jan 27 14:14:10 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:14:22 That is what is most paining you Jan 27 14:14:36 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:15:07 The pain of letting her go... is easier when I wake because I've already walked a distance down that path... but the children... Jan 27 14:15:48 * Molly nods "especially Hans, because you have no actual memories of him to remember?" Jan 27 14:16:51 No, actually... that hurts a lot, yes but... Jana I held in my arms, sang to, played with... Jan 27 14:17:09 * Molly kisses his knuckles Jan 27 14:18:59 Was she forthright, quite confident and full of energy? That's often how I've dreamt her as a girl? Jan 27 14:19:14 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:19:24 I could show you, I think Jan 27 14:19:28 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:19:31 Please Jan 27 14:20:17 * Morgan nods, concentrating on showing her Jana's behaviour Jan 27 14:21:14 * Molly smiles, eyes closed "oh yes, that's very much like I've seen before..." Jan 27 14:21:34 * Morgan nods, stopping Jan 27 14:21:40 You've dreamed of her Jan 27 14:21:47 * Molly opens her eyes slowly Jan 27 14:22:10 Yes, the first time was in Atemlos, do you recall how upset I was? Jan 27 14:22:21 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:22:22 I do Jan 27 14:22:49 I dreamt them both then, and we had children together. I had one of my own too. Jan 27 14:23:26 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:25:53 Then again that time where we were at Die Dauerhaftigkeit, Madchen was a newborn, Mina was due any day and they already had a girl and a boy. We had a Hannalore, a Christopher, and Ehren and Maria, Edward's eldest, were close in age. Varick, Hans, and Jana were playing hide and seek, she was up a tree... Jan 27 14:26:28 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:27:29 And the other day when we were much more conventional and you were going to take me on the desk during the children's game of hide and seek, until Madchen interrupted us! Jan 27 14:27:51 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:28:04 I miss her so very much Jan 27 14:28:20 Of course you do, my love, you are her father Jan 27 14:29:10 * Morgan nods, sipping his tea Jan 27 14:29:17 So that is where I woke up Jan 27 14:29:24 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:29:49 It does not sound done, does it? Jan 27 14:30:14 No, it doesn't Jan 27 14:31:25 * Molly sighs "god I hope I don't do something stupid!" Jan 27 14:31:39 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:31:53 That and having to tell the children... Jan 27 14:32:05 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:32:15 Where is Edward in all of this? Jan 27 14:32:52 Probably Starke since he wouldn't have found you... Claudia went to find him, try to make him deal with the mess he'd made Jan 27 14:33:48 * Molly nods Jan 27 14:34:04 I wouldn't want to be him when he returns! Jan 27 14:34:17 No... Jan 27 14:34:31 * Molly looks thoughtful Jan 27 14:35:10 What was different between reality and that path? What made Edward choose that rather than what he did... Jan 27 14:35:27 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 14:35:33 Don't know Jan 27 14:36:14 He decided he couldn't find any way to keep them protected, safe and unalarmed Jan 27 14:36:48 You know that for sure? Jan 27 14:37:41 Vaguely. We discussed it when we were in Atemlos and you'd left for the Rose. I was trying to understand -why- he'd arrived to where he did Jan 27 14:37:58 * Morgan nods, looking pained Jan 27 14:38:11 * Molly looks guilty Jan 27 14:38:15 I'm sorry Jan 27 14:38:35 Its ok Jan 27 14:38:46 I do not want to cause you pain Jan 27 14:39:05 I know. Jan 27 14:39:26 How did he keep them safe in the dream? Jan 27 14:40:03 Paid for a house, changed their names, had DeeDee stay with them Jan 27 14:40:19 Hmm... that would be impossible Jan 27 14:40:28 Would it? Jan 27 14:41:05 How on Theah would DeeDee cope with a pregnant woman after what he went through and the issues it's left him with? Jan 27 14:41:40 He said that Edward had stopped him doing something really bad and that he owed him Jan 27 14:42:07 Oh... *she takes a deep breath* I see Jan 27 14:42:58 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:45:20 In Hindsight he was much more... relaxed Jan 27 14:45:53 * Molly nods, squeezing his hand Jan 27 14:45:59 Was he kind to them? Jan 27 14:46:06 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:46:13 He clearly loved them... and they him Jan 27 14:46:31 Is that more difficult too? Jan 27 14:46:43 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 14:46:45 Yes and no Jan 27 14:49:14 Because you were envious, not jealous? Jan 27 14:51:29 Oh then I was jealous... how was it fair he got their love and to spend time with them when I, their father, couldn't.... But... its not realy Jan 27 14:51:32 real* Jan 27 14:52:03 No, it's not reality, is it? Jan 27 14:52:46 no Jan 27 14:53:19 * Molly watches him gently, solemnly Jan 27 14:53:55 They are safe, my love, together and at peace... they want for nothing. Jan 27 14:54:26 * Morgan nods Jan 27 14:54:27 aye Jan 27 14:54:43 * Molly kisses his knuckles again Jan 27 14:55:24 And you are safe. Not at peace, but very dearly loved Jan 27 14:56:27 Close to it most of the time Jan 27 14:57:42 * Molly nods, smiling Jan 27 14:57:48 That is a relief to hear Jan 27 14:57:53 Oh? Jan 27 14:58:03 I worry for you, of course Jan 27 14:58:34 At least... its not my own mind tormenting me... Jan 27 14:59:03 No, it's just the consequence of my path-wandering. Jan 27 15:01:17 No, love... that one had nothing to do with that Jan 27 15:02:04 * Molly shrugs "I suppose not" Jan 27 15:02:46 * Morgan nods Jan 27 15:03:39 Will you be having him added to her headstone? Jan 27 15:04:10 I'm having something added, yes Jan 27 15:04:21 * Molly nods Jan 27 15:04:34 That will be nice Jan 27 15:05:21 * Morgan nods Jan 27 15:08:02 And the memorial on the green? Jan 27 15:09:07 I'm not sure Jan 27 15:10:27 * Molly nods Jan 27 15:11:10 Perhaps Sascha and Otto have something of theirs they would like to have played at the base of the tree? Jan 27 15:24:59 * Molly has quit (Ping Timeout) Jan 27 15:46:40 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Jan 27 15:46:52 Placed* Jan 27 15:48:18 * Morgan nods Jan 27 15:48:22 Aye maybe Jan 27 15:50:26 * MollyK runs her finger over his dracheneisen wedding ring, just as in the dream waterwheel house he'd run it over the bare skin when hers wasn't. They'd both ended up asking him for their rings back, but one to remain married and one to start accepting being a widow* Jan 27 15:50:39 They won't do it before we're home anyway Jan 27 15:50:51 Better not Jan 27 15:51:23 We will need to think about what to do with Florrie then Jan 27 15:51:39 How do you mean? Jan 27 15:52:23 We cannot take her to the memorial planting, it would scare the life from the villagers. Jan 27 15:52:34 * Morgan nods Jan 27 15:52:43 Probably best they stay at Hafenlohr... Jan 27 15:52:48 * MollyK nods Jan 27 15:53:07 I... I could stay with them, if that was your wish? Jan 27 15:53:35 Why? Jan 27 15:53:53 Because you would not want them feeling abandoned Jan 27 15:54:17 But you would prefer to be at my side Jan 27 15:54:24 * MollyK nods Jan 27 15:54:32 My place is at your side Jan 27 15:54:50 * Morgan nods Jan 27 15:55:08 I think it would aid HeinzHarold being there... which means Inga must be Jan 27 15:55:15 * MollyK nods Jan 27 15:55:18 Indeed Jan 27 15:56:07 It needn't be decided today, it is months away. The logistics are complicated Jan 27 15:56:30 * Morgan nods Jan 27 15:56:45 It would be unfair to drag them to Sudlachenburg just to make them stay indoors Jan 27 15:56:53 * MollyK nods Jan 27 15:57:25 But similarly, she is the Graf's granddaughter, and if you can come to terms with it so can they Jan 27 15:57:47 I was rather meaning unfair to them Jan 27 15:57:59 I see Jan 27 15:58:07 * MollyK smiles gently Jan 27 15:58:25 Come visit, but stay inside... Jan 27 15:58:34 * MollyK nods Jan 27 15:58:59 Though the house and grounds are huge! Our home is more modest Jan 27 15:59:27 I suppose so Jan 27 15:59:35 * MollyK smiles "We value modesty..." Jan 27 16:00:12 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:00:17 aye Jan 27 16:00:33 Until it nearly drowns you! Jan 27 16:01:06 *they'd joked about modesty getting you killed as he'd carried her indoors from slipping in the pool* Jan 27 16:01:16 well... yes... Jan 27 16:01:39 * MollyK looks down at their hands, fingers slipping between his Jan 27 16:01:48 Has last night changed things? Jan 27 16:02:35 Changed things? Jan 27 16:03:10 Intimately, between us... you must have felt much guilt again at us having been intimate Jan 27 16:04:16 Our vows and actions were in good faith... my love for you never wavered. I felt some guilt, yes, but... more about my failure to protect them, and hurting her Jan 27 16:04:42 * MollyK nods, smiling a little Jan 27 16:04:51 That's touching Jan 27 16:05:31 I did wonder if you would be better off without me... Jan 27 16:05:42 * MollyK shakes her head Jan 27 16:06:22 I really wouldn't have been. If I'd been a stronger, better woman, I'd have packed you off to them... Jan 27 16:08:03 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 16:08:11 There's no point causing ourselves pain over it Jan 27 16:08:24 * MollyK shakes her head Jan 27 16:09:13 No. It is not something we have to face, but it speaks to my tendency to... sacrifice myself on the altar of other people's happiness Jan 27 16:10:43 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:10:46 Yes, it does Jan 27 16:12:01 And so nothing needs to be different now? We will be able to resume our normal marital activities without me having to worry about how you'll feel? Jan 27 16:12:24 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:12:31 Aye Jan 27 16:12:40 * MollyK looks very relieved Jan 27 16:12:48 I'm pleased Jan 27 16:13:21 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:14:23 I wonder if they have stables in Capperlucia? Jan 27 16:14:43 Must have horses, surely... Jan 27 16:15:15 I think so. I suppose they must have then. I'm not sure if Xsarlac would approve of us taking advantage of them Jan 27 16:15:32 No, probably not Jan 27 16:15:39 * MollyK smiles Jan 27 16:15:54 We'd best make that an Eisen-only hobby then! Jan 27 16:16:41 Probably best, aye Jan 27 16:16:47 * MollyK smiles Jan 27 16:16:58 I dreamt of that last night, at His Graces Jan 27 16:17:06 Oh now thats weird Jan 27 16:17:30 * MollyK giggles, teasing him "oh -now- you think it's weird!" Jan 27 16:18:01 No, listen... when I slept in Dietlinde's spare room... I dreamed of the stable, what we did... but we hadn't done it yet... Jan 27 16:18:13 * MollyK giggles more Jan 27 16:18:28 Oh gosh your face must have been a picture, my love! Jan 27 16:19:02 You're missing my point... your dream appeared in mine... specifically in a dream in my dream... Jan 27 16:19:14 That -is- weird Jan 27 16:19:56 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:20:25 Very strange... did you wake blushing and shocked? Jan 27 16:20:34 Not... exactly... Jan 27 16:20:44 No? What then? Jan 27 16:20:53 Uhhh... hard? Jan 27 16:20:59 And confused Jan 27 16:22:05 * MollyK smiles, then it starts to dull a little "did you... no, I don't think either of us will benefit from me having an answer... I'm not surprised you were confused" Jan 27 16:22:22 No, love. Nothing happened. Jan 27 16:22:32 * MollyK shrugs a little Jan 27 16:23:40 It would be difficult to blame you. Most would have, given how long you'd been apart... *she doesn't look quite so at ease as her tone implies* Jan 27 16:23:56 * Morgan watches her Jan 27 16:24:49 No... despite what you had agreed to, it would've been wrong, and would've been seen as a promise I could not keep to her. No, I got up, went and made coffee and went outside to wait for dawn Jan 27 16:25:25 * MollyK nods, squeezing his hand "I appreciate your honesty" Jan 27 16:25:56 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:26:26 * MollyK rallies "Did you know it was the -Eisenfurst's- stable?" Jan 27 16:26:35 Uhhh, I'm not sure Jan 27 16:26:45 * Morgan smiles slightly Jan 27 16:26:59 I wish you'd seen Inga's face when she realised when she was drunk Jan 27 16:27:10 * MollyK giggles Jan 27 16:27:23 After she implied I had strayed? Jan 27 16:27:30 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:27:40 When she realised that you and -I- had done that Jan 27 16:27:47 * MollyK nods Jan 27 16:28:27 She has only just discovered that the only the second time we made love it was dressed and up against a door Jan 27 16:28:46 * Morgan nods, blushing Jan 27 16:28:54 * MollyK smiles Jan 27 16:29:07 Must be difficult, having your view of someone shattered so completely Jan 27 16:29:12 * MollyK nods Jan 27 16:29:48 I think she finds it delightful. She was certainly impressed that I was confident enough for that having only done it once at all! Jan 27 16:30:09 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:30:19 understandable Jan 27 16:30:25 * MollyK smiles Jan 27 16:30:53 I did tell her that thinking didn't really come into it, there was only passion and wanting Jan 27 16:31:03 * Morgan blushes again Jan 27 16:31:18 * MollyK smiles more Jan 27 16:31:44 She said that should have alerted us that things would be... creative Jan 27 16:31:57 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:32:03 Might be right there Jan 27 16:32:38 I told her that the day before when you had my mouth in the coach on the way to Innesbruck was a bigger indicator Jan 27 16:32:59 You did not! Jan 27 16:33:06 * MollyK smiles Jan 27 16:33:09 Mmhmm Jan 27 16:33:14 * Morgan blushes hard Jan 27 16:33:32 * MollyK giggles Jan 27 16:34:05 She was mostly curious how we managed the angles and how I did not bite you when we went through pot holes Jan 27 16:34:22 how... practical Jan 27 16:34:33 * MollyK nods, watching him as she smiles Jan 27 16:34:53 So I told her I'd done all my biting to your neck until you begged for more Jan 27 16:35:07 Oh god Jan 27 16:35:24 * MollyK watches his expression Jan 27 16:35:42 And of course, then she wanted me to quote you, in your voice... Jan 27 16:36:07 * Morgan closes his eyes, covering his face Jan 27 16:36:12 You didn't... Jan 27 16:36:30 Look me in the eyes and tell me that, my love... Jan 27 16:37:12 * Morgan uncovers his face, shaking his head Jan 27 16:37:18 Problem is, I think you did Jan 27 16:37:30 * MollyK 's eyes are full of mischief " How could I resist showing her when it was so... cute..." Jan 27 16:48:49 ah... my lady wishes to have her hide tanned Jan 27 16:49:02 Always Jan 27 16:49:20 * Morgan nods slightly Jan 27 16:49:40 My Lord might consider that? Jan 27 16:50:07 Possibly... noise might be an issue in such a small space Jan 27 16:50:56 If I put a cushion between your hand and my bottom, that would muffle it *shes smirking* Jan 27 16:51:27 And be like explaining anything complicated to HeinzHarold... Jan 27 16:51:36 Pointless? Jan 27 16:51:43 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:51:45 Exactly Jan 27 16:52:08 Mmm that would be a pity, I'd far rather you were pointed! Jan 27 16:52:22 * Morgan nods Jan 27 16:52:23 Quite Jan 27 16:52:36 * MollyK kisses his knuckles Jan 27 16:52:52 I was teasing you, she knows nothing about the coach Jan 27 16:55:16 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 16:55:24 I'm not that fussed Jan 27 16:56:26 * Morgan has quit (Quit: This computer has gone to sleep) Jan 27 16:58:45 * MollyK has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Jan 27 20:10:36 * MollyK (~igloo@192.168.1.127) has joined Jan 27 20:42:42 * MollyK has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Jan 27 22:35:27 * Morgan (~mads@iMac-2.lan) has joined Jan 27 22:35:51 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Jan 27 22:42:01 So much skill at reading people, yet I'm still a mystery to you, hmm? Jan 27 22:42:26 * Morgan nods Jan 27 22:42:35 Most of the time, yes Jan 27 22:43:03 Sometimes you can read me like a book? *she smiles* Jan 27 22:43:21 Sometimes, aye Jan 27 22:43:50 Mmhmm, like a book, by licking your fingers and flicking my... pages *she smirks* Jan 27 22:44:26 * Morgan blushes Jan 27 22:45:10 * MollyK giggles "that troubles you?" Jan 27 22:45:57 What? Jan 27 22:46:10 Me making such a statement Jan 27 22:46:54 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 22:46:58 Not... really... Jan 27 22:47:34 You're blushing, my love Jan 27 22:48:39 * Morgan nods Jan 27 22:48:48 Yes, but that doesn't mean it troubles me Jan 27 22:49:05 You like it then? Jan 27 22:50:36 Of course Jan 27 22:51:12 * MollyK nods, then finishes her tea before taking a deep breath "you've been very open with me, thank you" Jan 27 22:51:28 * Morgan nods slightly Jan 27 22:51:32 I thought it best Jan 27 22:51:59 * MollyK nods "is there anything you wish to ask me about it? I will be open too" Jan 27 22:53:00 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 22:53:08 I already know you wouldn't have acceded to it Jan 27 22:54:32 * MollyK sighs "I cannot be sure... there would be duty involved, and the sort of painful self-sacrifice that I seem to gravitate towards..." Jan 27 22:55:43 * Morgan nods Jan 27 22:57:56 But it'd have to be viewed by what I felt at the time, which was that you only loved me enough to make a space for me. And faced with you have a full, happy relationship with her as you'd longed for so much, I cannot say I would have fought my own corner... *she chews her lip a moment* Jan 27 22:58:19 * Morgan nods Jan 27 22:58:33 You felt I was with you because I couldn't be with her Jan 27 22:58:40 * MollyK nods Jan 27 22:58:45 Absolutely Jan 27 22:59:35 * MollyK watches his expression Jan 27 22:59:57 * Morgan nods sadly Jan 27 23:00:02 But you do not feel that now Jan 27 23:00:23 * MollyK shakes her head slowly Jan 27 23:00:38 No, I don't feel that now. Jan 27 23:00:44 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:00:49 Good. Jan 27 23:01:39 That started to change after the cast when everything had come spilling out Jan 27 23:02:00 * MollyK grimaces "in the conversation, not....literally." Jan 27 23:05:08 * Morgan laughs Jan 27 23:05:13 Unfortunate choice of words Jan 27 23:05:20 * MollyK nods, smiling Jan 27 23:06:21 Then with the Jogmungander, when you came back... Jan 27 23:07:26 You still doubted it, even then? Jan 27 23:09:10 I didn't doubt that you loved me as much, but it did not occur to me that if you actually had a choice you would stay, I suppose. But I hadn't given it much thought after the time weaver nightmare that caused me so much distress Jan 27 23:09:29 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:10:12 * MollyK searches his expression for signs of disappointment Jan 27 23:10:57 What are you looking for? Jan 27 23:11:09 Your feelings at that Jan 27 23:14:30 It is clear that I have not given you sufficient cause to believe I wish to be with you... or rather... had not... Jan 27 23:14:55 * MollyK squeezes his hand Jan 27 23:15:20 You did nothing wrong, my love Jan 27 23:16:33 But I did not do enough right Jan 27 23:16:42 * MollyK shakes her head Jan 27 23:17:38 I am... more difficult to love and live with. I know that. It seems that was always the case in my life. Why would one pick an opal when they could pick a diamond, you see? Jan 27 23:18:27 No... what you were taught was that you were only safe and loved if you were kaking the other person happy and that that love could be withdrawn at any moment Jan 27 23:19:06 * MollyK looks rueful "That's rather the bullseye, my love" Jan 27 23:19:29 Wish I could say I figured that out Jan 27 23:19:40 You clearly have Jan 27 23:19:44 * Morgan shakes his head Jan 27 23:19:48 HeinzHarold did in the dream Jan 27 23:20:05 * MollyK nods Jan 27 23:21:09 It's difficult. How can I hold value if I am not serving someone? If I am not useful, would that not make me useless and unnecessary? Jan 27 23:21:31 You understand that is not the case, yes? Jan 27 23:22:31 With you, yes. I feel that you would love me even if I did nothing but exist Jan 27 23:22:45 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:24:26 * MollyK watches him "in some ways, I think we may be similar. It is important to you that those around you can rely on you, especially the people you are set over by your rank to care for. The need to be of service appears to be there too?" Jan 27 23:25:30 * Morgan frowns slightly Jan 27 23:25:33 Might be right there Jan 27 23:25:43 * MollyK nods Jan 27 23:26:27 And perhaps that's part of why you suffered so much. You felt that you'd failed in serving them as a protector Jan 27 23:26:59 I... think you're overthinking that... I failed them as a husband, as a father Jan 27 23:27:15 * MollyK shrugs "perhaps I am" Jan 27 23:28:16 Part of my role as her husband, as her father -is- to be a protector... that may be why I strive so hard to now, though Jan 27 23:28:41 To protect everyone else? Jan 27 23:29:41 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:29:51 On top of my desire to protect those I care about Jan 27 23:30:00 * MollyK nods Jan 27 23:30:37 I am always grateful for your protection, even now I am more than a match for most trouble that could befall me Jan 27 23:31:41 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:32:49 I can see that I have to stop sacrificing myself like that, that I need to have boundaries Jan 27 23:33:18 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:33:20 Yes, you do Jan 27 23:33:55 * MollyK nods Jan 27 23:35:16 Maybe that is why I find her conviction in your dream so impressive. Though it was not what you wanted, and it hurt you so much, that she would hold fast to her position amazes me Jan 27 23:35:55 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:36:05 She didn't show such determination often... but it was always there Jan 27 23:36:50 * MollyK nods "I suppose she did not need to? There was little that you did not already ensure would make her happy?" Jan 27 23:38:19 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:38:26 I suppose so Jan 27 23:38:49 * MollyK smiles Jan 27 23:38:49 She asked for her wedding ring back, so she could properly mourn her husband Jan 27 23:39:01 * MollyK looks surprised Jan 27 23:39:04 Oh Jan 27 23:39:36 * MollyK takes a deep breath, watching him "That must have been agonising" Jan 27 23:40:22 I can't say I wanted to let it go but... after what I'd asked of her, and her not railing against me by keeping my children from me... Jan 27 23:40:46 * MollyK frowns "she wouldn't have done that, surely?" Jan 27 23:41:47 No, I don't think she would... doesn't mean it wouldn't be understandable Jan 27 23:42:25 She would always have been very offended at the suggestion of being your mistress...? Jan 27 23:43:19 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:43:44 Aye... even if I'd set out for that at the very start, even if -I- had been willing to do that, she would not. Jan 27 23:43:56 * MollyK looks thoughtful Jan 27 23:44:14 I do not think I'd ever realised how important that was Jan 27 23:44:23 No? Jan 27 23:45:39 No... without knowing that you were both so convicted in your faiths, and therefore the sanctity of marriage as the only way for a couple to be together, it would be easy to think that a life as a kept mistress would be a good thing for a common girl Jan 27 23:46:15 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:47:04 * MollyK continues to look thoughtful Jan 27 23:47:14 What a bind you were in, my love... Jan 27 23:47:35 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:48:39 I think I'd always thought that you -wanted- to marry her rather than her just being your mistress... that you romantically preferred the notion... Jan 27 23:49:20 That is true, to a point but... its as well as what I believe in Jan 27 23:49:28 * MollyK nods Jan 27 23:50:16 It was a fundamental principle? Only marriage was morally and spiritually acceptable...? Jan 27 23:50:28 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:51:12 And if that had been impossible, if there had not been a priest that could be bribed...? Jan 27 23:51:45 * Morgan shrugs Jan 27 23:51:47 I've no idea Jan 27 23:53:02 I wondered if you would have eventually made that compromise, or have just put yourself aware somewhere, Catterick perhaps, until she had found someone else? Jan 27 23:54:38 I wouldn't have made that compromise... despite my estrangement from Theus, I struggled with it with you... Jan 27 23:54:55 * MollyK looks intrigued Jan 27 23:55:00 Really? Jan 27 23:55:39 * Morgan nods Jan 27 23:56:05 I assumed that was entirely a struggle against your loyalty to her... Jan 27 23:56:52 Not entirely, no Jan 27 23:57:55 Was that why you were so very adamant as soon as we were betrothed that we would not have sex before the wedding day? Jan 27 23:58:20 My relationship with Theus aside, marriage is... its sacred. Jan 27 23:58:47 * MollyK smiles, kissing his knuckles Jan 27 23:58:51 I agree Jan 27 23:59:52 * MollyK tilts her head "you must have been turned in knots over the quandary over the sanctity of both marriages in the dream..."