**** BEGIN LOGGING AT Mon May 16 00:01:29 2022 May 16 00:01:29 *the boy hugs him, then HH does and Inga does. Goodbyes are said on the doorstep, and with a wave he and Molly are on the road towards Koln May 16 00:21:00 * HH has quit (Read error: EOF from client) May 16 21:10:56 * MollyK (~igloo@192.168.1.127) has joined May 16 21:13:34 * MollyK has quit (Read error: EOF from client) May 16 21:14:15 * MollyK (~igloo@192.168.1.127) has joined May 16 21:17:08 * MollyK has quit (Read error: EOF from client) May 16 21:18:32 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined May 16 21:19:45 * MollyK has quit (Quit: Igloo IRC: https://iglooirc.com) May 16 21:19:47 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined May 16 21:23:39 *the route is quiet but not empty. Molly looks a little pensive as she rides along* May 16 21:26:36 Are you alright? May 16 21:27:01 * MollyK nods May 16 21:27:15 A few things on my mind, that's all May 16 21:27:43 want to talk about it? May 16 21:28:21 I am worried how Varick will be without us May 16 21:28:42 Because of the location? May 16 21:29:01 * MollyK nods May 16 21:29:31 He has had nightmares for two nights now. It has not been this way since before we wed May 16 21:30:41 * Morgan nods May 16 21:30:51 I can understand your concern May 16 21:31:22 * MollyK nods May 16 21:31:51 He will likely be fine with them, and Inga has seen his nightmares before May 16 21:32:17 * Morgan nods May 16 21:32:21 she is very competent May 16 21:32:33 * MollyK nods slowly May 16 21:32:49 She is... she will be a wonderful mother some day May 16 21:33:26 * Morgan nods May 16 21:33:29 she will May 16 21:34:48 * MollyK nods again. A few minutes pass before she says May 16 21:35:14 I spoke to Hildegarde about the herbs May 16 21:35:32 oh? May 16 21:36:12 She will acquire them for me, which I am grateful for May 16 21:40:46 * MollyK watches his expression May 16 21:40:55 are you? May 16 21:45:35 * MollyK nods "it is kind of herl May 16 21:46:31 I suppose so May 16 21:46:56 You do not think so? May 16 21:47:37 Its kind of her, certainly... but I don't think you are _really_ grateful May 16 21:48:12 Why so? May 16 21:48:56 * Morgan glances at her May 16 21:49:02 you don't always dream alone... May 16 21:49:15 Ah... May 16 21:52:10 It's... complicated May 16 21:53:20 * Morgan nods May 16 21:53:24 isn't it May 16 21:55:15 And now Inga is telling me that I won't need to worry about running out of herbs for her, because she and Heinzharold have decided she will stop them on our way back from Capperlucia in March and they won't be coming with us a second time... May 16 21:55:20 * MollyK looks sad May 16 21:55:50 * Morgan nods May 16 21:56:00 I see May 16 21:56:41 I understand their reasoning, I really do, but... May 16 21:57:02 you had hoped they would come with us... should I be annoyed that HeinzHarold hasn't told me? May 16 21:58:08 I had. No, it is something they have only just been discussing, likely she was not supposed to tell me yet, but I mentioned Hildegarde and the herbs May 16 21:58:39 * Morgan nods May 16 21:59:28 They want to settle. They don't want to travel the world... May 16 22:00:28 * MollyK looks pained by this May 16 22:01:02 * Morgan nods, scowling May 16 22:01:24 You are unhappy...? May 16 22:01:55 * Morgan nods May 16 22:02:17 She had said they would be accompanying us May 16 22:02:42 They will, this time. It is after that they will not come again May 16 22:03:45 She had said until we all settled down May 16 22:04:55 Things have changed, haven't they? Thomas, and Cecily, and Florrie... they want to have children, my love. May 16 22:05:27 I understand that... god knows I do May 16 22:05:45 * MollyK nods May 16 22:07:00 Until he met thee fate witch, Heinzharold was too scared of losing her to think about it for a few years, but since then... the fate witch called Inga the mother of his children, and it seems to have soothed him May 16 22:07:26 * Morgan nods May 16 22:08:09 * MollyK looks down at the horse's mane May 16 22:08:28 I am sorry. All of this is my faullt May 16 22:08:48 what? why would you think that? May 16 22:09:26 If I hadn't made that deal with Faulk, you would not be in this position May 16 22:10:47 And we wouldn't be in the position tor reunite Sigfried with his wife, we wouldn't be able to help the people of Gottkirchen May 16 22:11:25 Then you see it as a sacrifice? May 16 22:11:50 * Morgan shrugs May 16 22:16:17 I just... I had no idea things would go as they have. I thought three years would be a fine length of time, it would let me see the world, explore something new. You would get to be at sea which you love, you would have years without any pressure too be ready... and things had just become much clearer between us. Three years of exploring those May 16 22:16:18 feelings seemed like a wonderful idea May 16 22:16:42 * Morgan nods May 16 22:16:50 I know May 16 22:17:51 It seemed straightforward, did it not? Titles and land in exchange for sailing and enjoying our new marriage May 16 22:18:06 * Morgan nods May 16 22:18:10 it did May 16 22:18:18 And now it is not. May 16 22:18:42 * Morgan sighs May 16 22:18:51 but it is what we signed up for May 16 22:19:06 * MollyK nods May 16 22:19:44 But it is not what Heinzharold and Inga signed up for. They have already followed us to Avalon for months May 16 22:20:11 * Morgan nods May 16 22:21:20 I cannot blame them for not wanting to wait past the spring. How could I even ask it of them, you know? May 16 22:21:34 * Morgan nods May 16 22:21:35 I know May 16 22:22:18 I... *she sighs* I wasn't expecting to feel this way May 16 22:23:11 No... I was expecting, as you said, a few years of slowly working up to it May 16 22:23:23 * MollyK nods May 16 22:24:30 Time, and more time. I wasn't expecting it would be possible for you to progress so quickly. Even in three years, I was anticipating that you would likely be reluctant May 16 22:24:38 * Morgan nods May 16 22:24:40 so was I May 16 22:25:18 It is perplexing. But the Nibelungen said we were not being influenced towards it May 16 22:26:10 * Morgan nods May 16 22:27:55 It is as if your healing suddenly accelerated, at some point this autumn, and I am not entirely sure when or how May 16 22:29:50 I have wondered if, had I not avoided Mary, would I have been ready even sooner? May 16 22:30:26 You think perhaps that is what it is? May 16 22:30:53 it makes a sort of sense. May 16 22:31:17 * MollyK looks thoughtful May 16 22:32:11 I suppose it does. Things had changed again when you arrived back from chasing Kai. I suppose I thought perhaps the time away from me had been helpful for you May 16 22:33:21 * Morgan shakes his head May 16 22:33:36 Certain questions about myself had been answered May 16 22:33:47 * MollyK tilts her head May 16 22:33:51 Such as? May 16 22:35:37 I had worried what I would do when I caught up with Dau... I was... _terrified_ of what sort of man I would become given the chance. I put HeinzHarold and Claudia in my way, because I was scared what I was capable of. We caught him and the fear disappeared because... I am not that man May 16 22:36:15 * MollyK smiles a little "I always knew you weren't, my love" May 16 22:36:21 I didn't May 16 22:36:55 What made you think you might be? May 16 22:37:37 My initial reaction to what had happened to Elsie... I wanted to skin him alive, boil his blood... May 16 22:38:18 That is natural. His savagery to her was abhorrent May 16 22:38:36 I thought I would act on it... I was convinced of it May 16 22:39:21 Oh liebling... you should have taken me with you May 16 22:39:43 You might have been needed for Elsie... and if I was that man, I didn't want you seeing me May 16 22:39:54 * MollyK frowns May 16 22:40:09 You think I would not have loved you then? May 16 22:40:35 How could anyone love someone capable of such cruelty May 16 22:40:49 For me with you? Easily. May 16 22:41:49 Maybe May 16 22:42:05 * MollyK shakes her head May 16 22:42:10 No. Not maybe. May 16 22:43:10 * Morgan shrugs May 16 22:43:13 I wouldn't deserve it May 16 22:43:25 If you think my love could be so easily removed, so quickly lost, then you do not understand the very nature of it, the ferocity of it. May 16 22:43:54 The point remains... when I returned, I no longer questioned myself in that regard May 16 22:44:35 And that influenced the speed and degree of your healing...? May 16 22:44:54 * Morgan shrugs May 16 22:45:25 it made me more... aware, confident in who I am... I no longer had that question hanging over me that I had for years May 16 22:45:31 * MollyK looks thought May 16 22:45:38 Thoughtful * May 16 22:46:01 You had only known about his actions a few weeks May 16 22:46:10 * Morgan nods May 16 22:46:35 * MollyK watches him May 16 22:46:41 Interesting... May 16 22:46:48 whyso? May 16 22:47:27 Where does that question come from, if it predates your discover of his vileness? May 16 22:48:37 I bludgeoned the assassin to death.... I nearly beat Edward to death with my bare hands... people in taw stock are terrified of me... May 16 22:50:09 Anyone would have acted the same way. And that he lives is a testament to your self-control May 16 22:50:49 thats not how I saw it May 16 22:51:23 * MollyK nods May 16 22:51:35 But now you see you were wrong? May 16 22:51:41 * Morgan nods slowly May 16 22:51:59 I can be brutal... but I am not cruel May 16 22:54:24 Absolutely not. There must be justice, and you will deliver it when the situation requires, it you do not enjoy it, and that is the difference, I think May 16 22:55:11 * Morgan nods May 16 22:57:11 You had never questioned yourself like that until that day? May 16 22:58:51 * Morgan shrugs May 16 22:59:25 until we left Avalon for Eisen, I always thought of myself as some dangerous animal... that started to fade until the situation with Dau May 16 23:00:47 * MollyK frowns deeply May 16 23:01:36 It seems the only person you are capable of cruelty to is yourself. May 16 23:01:56 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:01:57 maybe May 16 23:03:13 You would not think me cruel if I spoke about myself in such a way? May 16 23:03:59 I don't think that way anymore May 16 23:04:12 I am most glad of that. May 16 23:04:22 * MollyK shakes her head a little May 16 23:04:39 Why did you never tell me, my love? I would have tried to help May 16 23:04:56 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:06:20 I think perhaps you have never really seen yourself the way I see you, and that is a great shame May 16 23:06:48 No, I probably haven't May 16 23:07:04 Perhaps you should try? May 16 23:07:23 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:07:27 maybe May 16 23:08:54 You should see how you are with children, and those less fortunate. It makes my heart swell with pride May 16 23:09:07 I'm glad you see me in such a way May 16 23:11:09 * MollyK smiles May 16 23:11:44 I do. From as soon as we became friends, I could see something special in you beneath the protective shell. May 16 23:12:10 * Morgan nods slightly May 16 23:13:14 *theres a little more quiet* May 16 23:13:34 It is as if you have been in mourning for yourself also. May 16 23:15:41 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:15:46 you could see it that way I suppose May 16 23:16:48 You lost who you thought you were, and the trust you had in yourself? May 16 23:17:42 * Morgan nods May 16 23:18:07 * MollyK nods May 16 23:18:12 And now? May 16 23:18:25 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:18:27 I'm getting there May 16 23:18:50 Can I help you in that? May 16 23:19:41 You always are May 16 23:20:36 * MollyK smiles May 16 23:20:42 I have no idea how May 16 23:21:27 and yet you do May 16 23:21:41 * MollyK smiles again May 16 23:21:54 I just give you love, that is all May 16 23:22:12 * Morgan nods May 16 23:23:42 You will not be too cross with Inga and Heinzharold though? May 16 23:24:10 I'm annoyed he didn't tell me... and I'm sad we won't have them with us. I rely on him. May 16 23:26:23 * MollyK nods May 16 23:26:59 I know, my love. Could you do it? Put having children on hold to follow him around for three years? May 16 23:27:26 I'm not blaming him for that... I don't blame him at all May 16 23:27:56 That, my love, it not quite an answer May 16 23:28:00 Is* May 16 23:28:22 Its an answer that doesn't make any difference May 16 23:28:53 It is of interest to me, and makes a difference to my curiosity May 16 23:29:03 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:29:12 if he needed me like I need him, then yes, I would May 16 23:29:31 * MollyK looks surprised May 16 23:29:49 Does he know you need him so much? May 16 23:30:08 * Morgan shrugs May 16 23:30:19 I'll manage May 16 23:30:57 Perhaps he would be willing to join us and leave Inga safely in Sudlachenburg May 16 23:31:16 No, I couldn't do that to him May 16 23:31:41 But you would do it for him May 16 23:31:56 It doesn't matter. It is what it is May 16 23:32:11 You are hurt? May 16 23:32:55 I'm worried May 16 23:33:02 Why? May 16 23:34:06 Because my successes have always been when I have allies... he and Claudia.... we could accomplish almost anything, and his intel gathering is second to none.... I'll be operating blind May 16 23:34:51 What do you think we would be walking into, my love? We will be established visitors by then May 16 23:35:10 not just there... Gottkirchen... May 16 23:35:39 Oh, I don't think they will refuse that May 16 23:36:39 I can't ask them to bring a child into that... I wouldn't be dragging Varick around if he wasn't as old as he is... even so, I worry about the damage it might do him May 16 23:37:40 * MollyK frowns a little May 16 23:38:32 Yet we will want to be having a child ourselves when the ambassadorship is finished, and we live in Gottkirchen May 16 23:39:21 I worry about that... but I more meant dragging him around Eisen with us, then off to Capperlucia May 16 23:40:12 The first time will be an adventure for him, but after that it is going to be fourteen weeks of travelling twice a year... May 16 23:40:51 * Morgan nods May 16 23:41:09 * MollyK sighs May 16 23:42:11 I should go alone. You could stay in Eisen with Varick. Perhaps timed correctly I could have a baby and then make a trip alone a few months later. May 16 23:42:47 No... May 16 23:43:04 But it makes some sense, doesn't it? May 16 23:43:19 some May 16 23:44:19 Varick would be safe and happy, and he could have a good tutor. You could spend time between Koln, Innesbruck, Sudlachenburg, and Gottkirchen preparing for us settling May 16 23:45:11 away from you... that is not acceptable May 16 23:45:54 Yet it would be a temporary arrangement that best serves Varick and satisfies your desire May 16 23:46:08 * Morgan scowls May 16 23:47:06 Do you see any better way? May 16 23:47:10 Not yet May 16 23:47:21 * MollyK nods May 16 23:48:25 We will see, I suppose, how things stand when we return from Capperlucia May 16 23:48:32 * Morgan nods May 16 23:49:44 I _would_ be safe with Claudia and Sorgi... and a wet nurse could be employed for whilst I was gone May 16 23:49:59 * Morgan frowns May 16 23:50:47 * MollyK looks questioningly at him May 16 23:51:13 You are frowning May 16 23:51:18 I know May 16 23:51:42 _why_ are you frowning? May 16 23:53:24 I don't wish to be away from you May 16 23:54:15 I know, my love, but Varick needs one of us at least May 16 23:58:12 We would have the mirrors, we could speak each day May 16 23:58:37 I don't wish to think about this at the moment... we have other things to worry about in the more immediate future May 16 23:59:08 * MollyK nods a little May 16 23:59:15 As you wish