**** BEGIN LOGGING AT Tue Apr 26 00:01:37 2022 Apr 26 00:01:37 *everything is very peaceful in his house. Though the cottage was the first he knew of, technically this was the first house he owned Apr 26 00:02:29 * Morgan walks quietly up to his room, stopping near Varicks to check for sounds of nightmares Apr 26 00:03:34 *there's no sound at all Apr 26 00:04:11 * Morgan nods to himself, moving on to his room Apr 26 00:08:02 * Walder has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) Apr 26 01:28:33 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 01:30:38 * MollyK has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) Apr 26 02:28:04 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 02:33:59 * MollyK has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) Apr 26 16:37:51 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 16:52:18 * MollyK has quit (Ping Timeout) Apr 26 18:47:20 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 18:51:38 * MollyK has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) Apr 26 20:45:10 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 20:51:32 * MollyK has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) Apr 26 22:06:53 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 22:06:55 * MollyK has quit (Read error: EOF from client) Apr 26 22:32:53 * MollyK (~igloo@CrystabllesiPad.lan) has joined Apr 26 22:33:24 * MollyK is already sat up in bed reading Apr 26 22:33:35 Is everything well? Apr 26 22:33:51 * Morgan nods Apr 26 22:33:53 I think so, aye Apr 26 22:36:30 * MollyK smiles Apr 26 22:36:54 I did not expect you for a while yet Apr 26 22:37:02 * Morgan nods Apr 26 22:37:11 I think the journey took its toll on the others Apr 26 22:38:08 They do not travel as much as we do! Apr 26 22:39:18 No... my father wants to be present tomorrow Apr 26 22:40:06 Hmm... why? Apr 26 22:40:21 to see how we handle it... how we are with the people Apr 26 22:41:25 To check up on us? Apr 26 22:43:03 I don't... think... so.... Apr 26 22:43:36 * MollyK nods Apr 26 22:43:43 What did you say? Apr 26 22:43:53 * MollyK puts the book down Apr 26 22:44:13 That I'm as I am with everyone Apr 26 22:46:51 * MollyK nods Apr 26 22:47:01 Will you let him come? Apr 26 22:47:22 * Morgan nods Apr 26 22:48:09 I think so Apr 26 22:48:42 * MollyK nods Apr 26 22:48:49 Alright, my love Apr 26 22:48:52 unless you do not wish to have him there? Apr 26 22:49:35 I would only be concerned that perhaps the people would be less likely to be open with us with their Graf present Apr 26 22:49:48 * Morgan nods slowly Apr 26 22:49:50 a good point Apr 26 22:51:07 But I have no personal concerns about having him there. It would not be the first time I have stood my ground when your Father and I have a difference of opinions Apr 26 22:51:15 * Morgan nods Apr 26 22:51:40 he was telling me you should find more appropriate things to occupy you... I suggested he tell you that himself... _outside_ Apr 26 22:53:59 * MollyK bites her lip, smiling Apr 26 22:54:32 Oh dear. You think me so intemperate? Apr 26 22:55:06 I'm merely to protecting my property from damage Apr 26 22:55:54 * MollyK smiles, tilting her head Apr 26 22:56:01 You mean the house? Apr 26 22:56:42 * Morgan nods Apr 26 22:57:43 And what were the appropriate things? Embroidery, and piano? Apr 26 22:59:44 making a home, having some babies, hosting some events... Apr 26 23:01:24 * MollyK sighs Apr 26 23:01:58 None of those are possible Apr 26 23:02:12 not just yet, no Apr 26 23:02:50 Perhaps in the summer Apr 26 23:03:37 Maybe Apr 26 23:05:00 * MollyK nods thoughtfully Apr 26 23:07:57 Unless we are to wait until we must settle in Gottkirchen before finding somewhere to live there? Apr 26 23:08:27 I'd... rather not... Apr 26 23:09:55 No? But we could make our base here in Innesbruck until then Apr 26 23:10:08 * Morgan shrugs slightly Apr 26 23:11:50 * MollyK watches him curiously Apr 26 23:12:08 You are feeling a need to make something permanent? Apr 26 23:13:38 If the choice was mine, we'd be having a child at the earliest practical opportunity... but we have commitments. I forgot to tell you, Dekker has mentioned in the past that he is considering selling Banhof. Edward is going to speak with him, see if he's open to doing that Apr 26 23:14:33 * MollyK nods very slowly Apr 26 23:15:25 Yes... *she takes a deep breath* Hafenlohr is beautiful, and in an ideal position Apr 26 23:15:55 * Morgan nods Apr 26 23:17:29 I would be interested in it if he was willing to consider it... Apr 26 23:17:46 * Morgan nods Apr 26 23:21:07 * MollyK watches to see what he is doing Apr 26 23:21:34 * Morgan is picking at his thumb, staring blankly at the foot of the bed Apr 26 23:21:55 What's wrong, my love? Apr 26 23:23:13 I don't like the tension that any conversation of children brings with it Apr 26 23:23:26 and I'm not entirely comfortable with the feelings I have about it Apr 26 23:24:13 Sit with me, my love. You needn't undress yet if it would make it harder to talk Apr 26 23:25:36 * Morgan sits near her Apr 26 23:25:51 * MollyK takes his hand Apr 26 23:26:53 talk to me. What do you perceive is causing tension? Apr 26 23:27:40 We dance around what we want to say... for fear of hurting eachother, for how it might make us feel Apr 26 23:28:24 * MollyK strokes her thumb over his hand Apr 26 23:28:42 Then perhaps we need to try not doing so? Apr 26 23:29:21 * Morgan nods Apr 26 23:29:22 perhaps Apr 26 23:32:04 I worry that it will be too soon, that everything that happens as I am increasing, and with a baby will only remind you painfully of them, and make you wish things were different. I worry that you will find me lacking. Apr 26 23:32:31 lacking? Apr 26 23:34:05 As a mother. And s a wife, when I am increasing and until I am healed from the birth. Apr 26 23:35:04 * Morgan shakes his head Apr 26 23:35:09 I have no concerns there Apr 26 23:36:24 What _are_ your concerns? Apr 26 23:37:45 I'm... uncomfortable with the strength of my conviction that I wish to start our family as soon as possible Apr 26 23:38:33 * MollyK nods a little Apr 26 23:39:00 Are you wondering if it is the influences pushing for the convergence? Apr 26 23:39:27 * Morgan shakes his head Apr 26 23:39:35 No. Apr 26 23:40:43 Then what makes you uncomfortable, my love? *she watches his expression * Apr 26 23:41:49 the fact that I feel so strongly about it Apr 26 23:42:34 But what makes that a problem for you? Apr 26 23:43:26 I'm still not used to feeling things so strongly... and this is... newish Apr 26 23:43:45 * MollyK nods Apr 26 23:43:50 Since Florrie? Apr 26 23:44:43 No... but she has definitely helped in that respect... I think its her being so young and I couldn't run away from dealing with her like I could with your brothers child Apr 26 23:45:45 You do not know when it started? Apr 26 23:46:25 I've always known children would need to be in our future... I think dealing with Florrie made me realise how much I want it Apr 26 23:47:27 * MollyK nods again Apr 26 23:47:55 Was it like this for you last time? Apr 26 23:49:03 a little, maybe Apr 26 23:49:43 * MollyK nods "But you did not face all these barriers then" Apr 26 23:51:46 I hadn't spent years hiding from what I feel then... I wasn't aware of the pain. Apr 26 23:52:48 The pain that would come from a loss, or the pain of wanting a child and it being denied to you? Apr 26 23:53:08 the former. The latter concerns me Apr 26 23:53:54 Does that not make you wish for a child _less_ rather than more? Apr 26 23:54:07 * Morgan smiles slightly Apr 26 23:54:17 just goes to show how strong my desire to have children is... Apr 26 23:54:48 * MollyK nods Apr 26 23:55:01 It's... it's a surprise to me Apr 26 23:55:09 because... Apr 26 23:56:41 Because I assumed you would be reluctant for several years at least. I thought the three years would be a welcome buffer for you from having to confront that risk, from having to find space in your heart for a baby that is not Jana... *she frowns slightly, trying to convey the thoughts well* Apr 26 23:57:26 * Morgan nods slowly Apr 26 23:57:34 so did I Apr 26 23:58:07 I think I thought that it would be duty for you, to Sudlachenburg, and to me. Apr 26 23:59:42 understandable